Going to start this post like I start all of them! Love you guys, and love this community! Y’all are amazing freaking people, and you guys are all so worthy of love and support, and I’m so glad to call you guys not only my friends, but part of the huge heart support family. Never forget your worth, and your value. And remember there’s always tomorrow to try again.
Per encouragement from my support group, I decided to reach out to a local abuse shelter to see what resources they had available to the public, and well I went for it. I went to their women abuse support group tonight (it was both for domestic and sexual). And man it tore my heart apart, per the name of the post “When Reaching Out Makes It All Too Real”. Other then the community, I haven’t really been forced to talk about anything, or even really think about it other then when I’m drowning in my thoughts.
Guys, why is recovering and getting help more painful then being alone, and not getting support. It’s so much easier for me to be alone through this, and not talk about it. Because as soon as I talk about it, it brings up all the pain again. I just can’t deal with it. I have a therapist appointment at 9am, and I don’t think I’m going to be able to go, because it’s too much. Opening up hurts worse then getting it out, even though I want the love and support, honestly I long for it.
Sorry for the post, I know it’s dumb, and it’s just me being petty and overthinking, but it just hurts guys, I just don’t know what to do. I made a promise that I would go to these meetings, but it’s so freaking hard, and it was only the first meeting.
Hold fast, because I can’t,