It’s been a while since I’ve posted. It’s been months since I’ve felt ok. I haven’t been myself in months and no one has noticed. I don’t hear from anyone even when I try reaching out. I feel like I need to cut just to feel ok. I wish some days I could just die but I don’t want to put that burden on my family after how rough of a year we had in 2019. I just want to feel ok again and I have no idea how to do that without cutting. I’m trying so hard not to relapse and it feels like it’s all for nothing. It feels like none of this is going to get better and that my family would be better off without me in their lives.
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I can’t tell you when everything will be okay, but I see you. You aren’t okay. You hurt. You don’t feel like yourself. Those are terrible, heavy feelings. It took a lot of courage to put your pain into words and to send them off into the ether. If I could offer you a hug I would, but since I can’t, I’ll humbly offer this: it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay, good even, to let yourself feel what your heart is telling you to feel. If you need to cry or yell or whimper, whatever you need, let it happen. You don’t need to cut or wound yourself in order for pain to be acceptable. Your emotional pain is just as valid and real as a physical injury. I love you.
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From: bitemarque
You are not alone. You matter. You are worthy of love. If you are in the US, you can call the Suicide Hotline here: 1-800-273-TALK (8255). Depression can be tough, but you’ve already taken the first big step of reaching out.
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From: owlextreme
if “not feeling enough” is driving you to cut, try to find a replacement ritual that allows you to express yourself. Try new forms of expression, and let yourself feel what you are trying to express until you can say to yourself what you need to hear. Then say it literally out loud. This helped someone I know. Examples, reading books or watching movies to find characters you relate to, and write down the things they say that strike you. Try saying them out loud. Or try creative things.
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I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling Spatgramle… Your post screams at me that you are looking for support, that you want that support - and let me say that you are strong. You are strong for coming here and sharing. You are strong for doing what you can to prevent a relapse. You are strong for making it this far. Even if you do relapse, know that you are never alone - we’re here to support you, and there are resources you can call/text/chat with (listed some below) 24/7. You MATTER, you are worthy of love. It’s never too late.
Some resources if you want to lean on them:
To text a trained Crisis Counselor, text HOME to 741741
Suicide Lifeline in the US: 1-800-273-TALK (8255)
Transgender Lifeline: US: 877-565-8860 | Canada: 877-330-6366
International: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_line
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Thank you all for your kind words and the resources. I’ve really been just struggling with everything going on. I started a new job right before covid hit (which has been stressful) and worrying about my parents (since they are older and my mom watches my son) and if I’m a good mom and wife. I’m hoping this all gets easier as I work on bettering myself and getting my mental health back under control. Thank you again
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Hey, Spatgramle! Just thought I’d check in and see how you’re doing. It’s been a couple weeks since your original post, and your follow up post a week ago sounded like you were mentally feeling at least a little more in control.
This whole year has just been one big mess for the entire world. There are a lot of people hurting right now. I hope you have found a bit of a respite here and there. If you need to talk about anything, we’re still here for you. 