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Where do i go from here?

I’m sitting in a parking lot not wanting to go home. My wife cheated on me 3 years ago and the relationship lasted 2 years. A year after i caught her and she said it was over. We cannot get past this in our relationship. She has become so mean that i don’t love her anymore. I stay with her for my kids. I want things to get better but I’ve almost lost hope. She is not a kind person to me, she does not enjoy being with me and I’m so beaten down by the things she says. I just feel like I’m drowning

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Im not really an expert on this stuff but maybe just try to see your kids as much as possible and try to find a new woman who treats you better

Damn dude. Fucking brutal.

I can’t imagine the depth of pain, Jeff.

To feel like this woman that you’ve given everything to has finally and completely turned her back on you. I have nightmares about this. The coldness of seeing the one you love with no heart for you…I feel for you, Jeff.

I have only experienced this premaritally. My wife and I were together four years before we got married, and I remember when she cheated on me and broke up with me. It was a hollowness I couldn’t escape. It felt like every turn of my life was a sword waiting for me to walk belly-deep into. And the only way I knew how to medicate the pain was to turn to her…

To take that pain and magnify it and complicate it and intensify it with kids, family, a life together…fuck dude.

First off I just want to acknowledge your pain. “Drowning” feels like it’s not even sufficient to describe the totality of the situation. Damn.

To address the pieces that relate to you – feeling like she’s brutal to you, like you’re frozen in this relationship around this pain, like you’re trying to save face and stay together to support the kids…like you’ve lost hope, like you feel like you’re constantly flinching in the relationship because she’s got such a bite to everything she says…it feels like you have to live in the constant reality of brokenness beyond repair.

To say that you are strong is an understatement…to be able to shoulder that pain and choose to step forward every day…there are not many men who could hold that kind of pain and stay above water – even though I know you feel like you’re drowning, you’re fighting in love for your kids, and that is admirable.

I’m thankful that you wrote here so that you could get the pain off your chest – I’m not sure if you have any friends in your life that are truly “yours” and not “ya’ll’s”. I know that marriage, kids, have a way of isolating us from others and deep relationships…so it wouldn’t be uncommon if you felt you didn’t have anyone to lean on. Either way, I’m glad that you wrote here – that you had the courage to name your pain.

From what I know about you – you are strong and courageous. You will make it through this. You have the resources to not just survive, but to grow and become more of the man you want yourself to be. I do not know how nor could I pretend to know, but I want to hold belief in you…you have what it takes to face this with honor, to care for your own heart and come through for your kids, and all the while to become who you hope to become. I believe in you, Jeff.

Hold fast, brother.
-Nate

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