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That’s really tough to be feeling like you’re trapped in this world where you have to believe what someone else wants you to believe…especially when it feels like you don’t get the opportunity to figure out what works for you. I’m sorry you’re in that spot friend :\
Good news is that if God is real, He very clearly gives us the opportunity to choose ourselves. Free will is required for love, and God is all about love, therefore free will isn’t an option, it’s a prerequisite.
You getting to choose not to believe is extremely important for love to ever be possible! There’s something that your heart is longing for, and I’m curious what it is. What is it that feels repressed? Might give you some insights into where you can find room for your soul.
Thankful you decided to post…know that’s tough. Your bravery is appreciated