Why am I like this

Right now I don’t know what words to type but I know I need to talk to someone because I’m about ready to start crying over this.

Basically for me I’ve never been in a relationship. No one has ever liked me as more than a friend.

When I get lonely I start to fall back into the trap of dating apps. But it’s always the same. It never works.

In this moment I literally cannot express how much I hate myself for downloading one of these apps again.

I get it. It takes time. I get it. I’m only 19.

But I feel so freaking lonely. I have so much love that I just want to give but I can’t because no one likes me like that.

I just want to feel that kind of love.

Now I’m sitting at my desk tearing up and feeling it get harder and harder to breath becasue of panic I guess. Panic that I’ll always be alone, panic that I’ll never feel that love.

Panic that I will always just be used. People get what they need out of me and leave me behind. That’s how it’s always been.

All I can say is I hate myself and I don’t know why I’m like this.

Why can’t I just get over it.

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Oh honey, I’m sorry.

Dating apps can work, but it’s so hard because there is so many people on there that just want one thing. I see my friends struggle with them all of the time.

Though, I met my husband on a dating sight back in 2002. We were married for 14 years. So I know that they can work out. It just takes a lot of patience.

Lys, I know I can’t give you the affection you are wanting and needing right now, but I can be a friend. If you want to hang out and play a game just let me know! I’ll join you in a game! We can just casually play for shits and giggles.

Or we can watch a movie on Rabbit! I have access to Netflix, Hulu and Amazon prime. Have a movie that you absolutely love and havent seen in a while that you are itching to watch? Let me know and we can try to figure a way out to watch it.

I’m sorry things feel crappy right now. I love you.

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I can only imagine what that must feel like. Feeling alone and unwanted is so difficult. It’s good that you are bringing this feeling to the light and talking about it. You matter and your story has meaning. Despite how broken you feel in the moment, there are people all around you are ho also feel unwanted or alone. People who are even in relationships or married can feel this way. I encourage you to look at yourself and dive deep into your own heart. Seek out the truth and the lies. Your life has meaning and you matter.