Right now I don’t know what words to type but I know I need to talk to someone because I’m about ready to start crying over this.
Basically for me I’ve never been in a relationship. No one has ever liked me as more than a friend.
When I get lonely I start to fall back into the trap of dating apps. But it’s always the same. It never works.
In this moment I literally cannot express how much I hate myself for downloading one of these apps again.
I get it. It takes time. I get it. I’m only 19.
But I feel so freaking lonely. I have so much love that I just want to give but I can’t because no one likes me like that.
I just want to feel that kind of love.
Now I’m sitting at my desk tearing up and feeling it get harder and harder to breath becasue of panic I guess. Panic that I’ll always be alone, panic that I’ll never feel that love.
Panic that I will always just be used. People get what they need out of me and leave me behind. That’s how it’s always been.
All I can say is I hate myself and I don’t know why I’m like this.
Why can’t I just get over it.