Every day my self confidence seems to drop exponentially. I see myself as ugly, stupid, and worthless. Almost as if I was less then a human being. I’m a burden to my family, I haven’t seen my friends in ages, and feel inadequate next to most people. I am too afraid to ask any girls or boys out (I’m bisexual). I fear asking my friends to Do something out of fear they will reject the offer. If there is a god, they clearly hated me. My existence feels like a giant roadblock. A massive “**** You” to the world.
My physique sucks. I Exercise regularly, but I still have massive man boobs and large thighs. Even one of the nicest kids in my school pointed Out how large my thighs were. I rarely wore shorts after that point. My man boobs are so bad that I sometimes wear a jacket over my shirt so people won’t see them. While my parents reinforce that I look “handsome” I know in reality I am a hideous monster. I’m only 14 and I already feel this way. Happiness has gone out the window, and while I maintain the facade of being happy, in reality breaking apart.
Hey I just wanted to let you know you are NOT the descriptions you give yourself. I dealt with self esteem issues and self image when I was 14. Honestly, it is a very rough time and I want you to know that it gets better. I had people tell me this stuff when I was 14 and it honestly didn’t make me feel a whole lot better.
I will tell you that counselling/therapy is something that really helped me talk about my self identity to someone else and open up. Over years I’ve worked through so much of it. I would really encourage talking to your parents about meeting with a therapist. I hated doing it at first. It is worth it.
Well if this helps any just know that you are not ugly, stupid, or worthless. You are beautiful, valuable, and great. You are awesome because God has created you. There is nothing that you or anyone could do to change that.
Know that you are not alone, there are many other people that feel the same way you do. That’s not undermind your feelings, no not at all. In fact, I experience those feelings all the time. But what I want to say is that you are not alone. No matter how isolated alone you feel know that there are many feeling the same way as you, and there will be many more. For me, I try to use those feelings to understand others. As a quiet, introverted girl, my self confidence has been ruined by many things. But sometimes, I find myself saying to others what I would want someone to say to me. And when I do that, I find that those words were the most impactful.
I even talked to my teacher about my depression and the multitude of my emotional issues and he told me how he overcame feelings of worthlessness and depression and lack of purpose. He said that he produces and creates more than he took in and consumed. For example instead of watching YouTube videos (like I often find myself doing) he will write a song.
I don’t know if that helped at all, but just know that true happiness comes from giving and doing things for others and not focusing on your feelings so much. I find that if I keep focusing on my own feelings and doing things that will give me instant gratification to make myself feel better, I end up feeling worse. So I try not to take my feelings too seriously and to find happiness in the small things.
First of all, let me tell you how very brave you are for coming here and sharing how you feel. When i was 14 I dont think i ever would have been able to do it so you should be proud of yourself.
Please know you are not worthless, you are human, you may be flawed, everyone is but you are no where near worthless. What I like to do when the negative thoughts work their way in I like tonthink of atleast one thing I like about myself to counteract what my brain is telling me. Just ine good thing can make a difference i promise.
As for you feeling like a burden to your friends and family. I have been there many times and what I have learned is that more often then not thats just something I have made up in my own head because when I share my feelings or reach out to try and hang out they are there for me. Now its not always going to work out yes people have their own stuff going on but I think that if you just reach out someone will be there for you.
If that doesn’t work out you always have us. Heartsupport and everyone on this forum are here for you. Just keep coming back and we will be here waiting to embrace you with love and understanding because you are not alone.
-Dani