Most of the day I’m not even sure why I’m still alive anymore.
I can’t seem to do anything and I’m getting nowhere in life. All over my social media I see people younger than me getting married and having children, or graduating into their dream jobs as something amazing like a doctor… Yet, here I am still living in a house share, unable to afford $100/rent or even keep the 1 room I have to myself in a liveable condition.
All I know how to do is push away and hurt the people I love and sabotage myself.
I don’t want to live like this anymore. I’m so tired. I’ll never be able to make my parents and the people I care about proud. I wish I could just end it right here and right now.
This song puts it into words better than I can. Citizen Soldier - Hand Me Down (Official Lyric Video) - YouTube
Hey @Kayla I’m sorry that you feel useless but I want to say that I’m proud of you. I’m proud of you trying to get better. I’m proud of he progress made. I’m proud of how you come here to ask for help because not everyone can. Also comparing yourself to others isn’t fair because you aren’t them. You are you and have your own learning curve.
You are here asking for help. That’s not pushing people away or sabotaging yourself. I’m sorry that you feel like that’s all you can do but that’s not true. You have helped me and others. You are amazing and I’m proud of you. I hope your day gets better.
Hi Kayla
I know the last few months have been really hard on you. I want you to know that you are not useless or cruel or bad. You just have a mental illness. You are suffering. Asking yourself look at all those people who are happy is just beings hard on yourself. Social media are one of the fakest things on the planet. People smile and laugh in the photos but in fact might not be happy at all. There were cases of people who have put themselves in debt just to buy a nice (car, phone, watch, house) so they appear more rich and happy to other people.
Of course there are people who are happier than you, but there are people that are happier than me too. There are also people that are happier than the people who are happier than you and me. Do you see now. Just because you are not as happy as somebody else that does not mean you life is not valid. Think of the things that happened in your life. Those things that you had to deal with and you are still here still kicking. You are strong for that even if you dont feel that way now.
If you dont feel like you can handle your life much longer please call a suicide hotline or go see a doctor please. There are people who can really help you. I myself have stayed for several weeks in a hospital in a psych ward. It has really helped me. It gives you time to slow down and process things. There are also professionals that are really good at helping people who have similar problems like yourself.
Kayla I also want to tell you that not even once, not for one second have I thought you are useless or a bad person. Sometimes we do things that we are not proud of me included but that does not mean that is who we are. Our mistakes do not define us. You are better than your mistakes Kayla please believe it. You are worthy of love and care and happiness. I wish you all of these things. 
Please stay safe.
Hi Kayla,
Thanks for your post,
I hear your frustrations regarding your life now and your fears for the future, its frightening looking forward when you have no real plans or ideas what you want from life.
Getting ideals from social media about other people’s lives probably isn’t the best way to find out how people are getting on, you will only ever see the “wonderful” moments they don’t show the hardships and believer me Kayla every single one of those people have hardships and moments when they don’t know if they can manage and life is a struggle for them, they just don’t get their camera out and take a snapshot of it.
I am sorry that you feel stuck in that house share, life seems to be really getting on top of you and that is never good. You mention that you don’t keep your room in a livable condition? That is something you could very much focus on, you could do a bit day by day, trust me when I tell you it would make a huge difference to how you feel if your room looked and felt better. All these little things become bigger things and they all make massive differences in how we feel.
I totally understand the self-sabotage stuff, have been there myself many times but if you have been looking for inspiration online from other people you must want to make changes so that’s a good thing.
You are too special to not be here anymore Kayla, your life is too precious to end, so many people here ARE proud of you.
I believe that you can make these small changes Kayla and when they become larger goals you will be the one posting your pictures on social media for everyone to see how well YOU are doing.
Much Love
Lisa 
Hey @Kayla
We posted your (condensed) topic to our IRL Support Wall down here in Houston at a mental health awareness event, and asked people to support you. Here is what they wrote, and we hope the support helps!
Love you Kayla. I know it’s rough right now, but I know that you’ll make it.
- John
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