You’re on my mind this evening…praying for you as you make your way though these last tough weeks of school. Congratulations to you for all the work you’re doing!
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Hello again,
I do find comfort in the honesty. If I’m going to be frank, I enjoy talking to those who I do not share the same opinions or beliefs on if I can do so civilly like we have been these past few weeks. It gives me a new perspective and allows me to process new information that I can choose to accept or choose not to accept.
Speaking of choice, I do have an interesting chapter to add to our conversation about the affects of what choices we make in life. Right now I am suffering from existential crisis and imposter syndrome because I feel like I am not in control of my actions, and that someone else is doing things for me. I question if the choices I am making are the right ones, if they will lead me down the right path. Most all people I’ve talked to that have Christian faith say that I am making the correct choices, and that Jesus is with me in every step.
Though I do not believe that Jesus is watching over me, I find comfort in the sentiment. Sometimes it is easy to allow myself to imagine a family member who has passed to watch over my shoulder and communicate through my subconscious that everything will be alright. I am conflicted when I imagine this, because what comes to mind if I think about it is the idea that they are dead and their body is rotting in the soil, therefore this ghostly form I imagine cannot be real.
Unfortunately for me, because I love the macabre and the things that surround it, I am faced with very real and disturbing facts of life in my hobby of fantasy. I’ve learned to cope with things I struggle with by attempting to understand them. Though it is hard for me to cope with death, I can toy with the idea and allow myself to channel my emotions into an art form. If I’m being honest, my mind sort of turns off when I’m sculpting. I just… feel.
A few weeks ago I struggled with the idea that I have a body with organs and bones and such, but came to the conclusion that those are things that make me function to my best ability, not something to be disgusted or offended by. I still struggle with the concept of death, but I have tried for months to ignore it and it does nothing for me. Instead, I explore life after death in the way I know how- zombies.
Though it is a bit of an odd mark in the topics we discuss, I am curious what your thoughts on zombies are. Not necessarily what your opinion of them as monsters are, but rather, what it would mean if they existed, and what it means to you that humans created the concepts of zombies.
For me, I believe zombies to be a sign of grief and mourning. Something that once was someone but is not anymore. Much like my struggle, I think that one a person is dead they are not a person anymore, very similar to the concept of zombies. The dead coming back to life is, what I believe, a sort of reality check for humans. We want our dead back in our lives, but the catch is that they aren’t the same anymore. We will see them change, we will see them be in agony. How much are we willing to put those around us through for someone who is already gone? How much can we handle? Perhaps death is not the worst thing that can come from life, because we are reminded that something of much more torment could possibly exist afterwards.
I’m also curious if you think a zombie apocalypse would be a gift from God. I am not trying to sound cliché, but there are those that believe that in the event that our dead rose back, no matter what the conditions, that it would be a gift from God because He brought back our loved ones. I am not questioning your morality on the human race and apocalypse, but rather asking if the dead were brought back in the context of zombies as we know them, do you believe that God would have done it on purpose?
Our conversations intrigue me and continue to make me think further than I normally do. I appreciate the time your take to talk to me. It really is a treat.
Hope to hear from you again soon, friend.
-HMM
(Here is a picture of my zombie character I’ve been working on, by the way. Not even close to done. But you can see what I’m going for)
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This…is one of the most beautiful introspections of death and the world the dead leave behind that I have ever read. No matter how much it may hurt us to lose loved ones, bringing them back would be selfish of us and agonizing for them.
This is a very good question. I think “gift” is a bit optimistic, but certainly a message from God. Do you watch The Walking Dead? IMO it drags on way too much and recycles too many plot arcs, but it deals with these themes well enough to condense 14 or some-odd seasons into a discussion. TL;DR, zombies certainly teach people a lot of lessons about life, love, not taking things or people for granted, and the good and bad we all carry with us. If all you see is the bad, you will die miserable and afraid. If you look for the good, you will find God. You’ll still die, that’s part of the human condition with or without zombies, but you will die in a world of the good you choose to find.
As for people who see all things as God’s gifts, that mindset is ignorant. The Bible is full of challenges and disasters that people needed to overcome. Noah’s Flood wasn’t a gift, the Egyptians weren’t a gift, Job losing everything he held dear wasn’t a gift. They were challenges, designed to test people’s faith and invite them to be closer with God. They were opportunities for triumph, or at least opportunities to find the good when all hope was lost. Sure, there are people who would embrace zombies as a gift from God. I think they’d be the first ones eaten.
Thinking about you today. It was my 18th birthday and I ate out with my friend and watched a movie. I felt pretty alive.
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Hey! I just saw your quick message. Is your b-day on the 30th? Mine is too! Happy belated birthday. I’m glad you were with a friend and enjoyed those moments of your life. 
You are spinning around the sun! I hope and pray this year’s ride is a good one for you! 
I have been thinking about your last post and am going to try and respond to it tonight. TTYL
Zombies have never been a thing for me. I haven’t watched The Walking Dead or anything else zombie related. I lean more toward the HEA, the happily ever after story. I think both the macabre and the HEA stories miss the mark of reality. Like a see-saw that’s unbalanced, each one is weighted toward an extreme. We don’t live there in the here and now. It’s having the ability to cope with the present that we need.
I can see how zombies could be a sign of grief and mourning. There is nothing so devastating as watching a loved one die. It’s heart wrenching to lose a loved one. You said the death of your grandma was very traumatic and life changing for you. I agree with you in that I don’t like the thought of the dead watching over me, especially when I think about a zombie look alike watching me. It’s not a comforting thought to me. My mom passed away 4 years ago. When I think about her body in the grave its disturbing to me. She was full of life when she was alive. She was a happy and joyful person. I like to remember her that way.
I wonder if zombies could also represent the insatiable longing that humans have that can’t be filled by human ability, whether material (stuff, drugs, alcohol, etc) or immaterial (intellect, love, some type of good feeling). I wonder if the zombie’s voracious brain eating is a desire to regain life, but it can’t ever eat enough to restart it or maintain it. Are you familiar with this quote by Pascal? “There is a God-shaped vacuum in the heart of each man which cannot be satisfied by any created thing but only by God the Creator, made known through Jesus Christ.”
“Narcissism is the Zombie Apocalypse. Narcissism is the basic foundation of progressive evil. It is the individual who is empty, who tries to fill that emptiness by gathering “narcissistic supply.” They live in a fantasy world in which they are the center of their own universe. They are utterly incapable of empathy. Their only motivation is self satisfaction. People are objects/possessions for their use. They will annihilate anyone who threatens to expose their fraudulent existence. They do not have relationships, they charm you, they use you, they suck you dry and move on in an endless, dehumanizing, cruel, soul destroying cycle. It is soul crushing to the pure in heart because they cannot imagine NOT loving.,.” Christina Cutlass
I tend to agree with this quote. What do you think?
I sometimes listen to the Youtuber Jonathan Pageau. I don’t agree with much of what he says, but he’s brilliant and sometimes I get some really helpful info from him. He’s got a couple of talks about “zombies.”
What I find interesting, as a Christ follower, is that so many man-made answers to life’s questions have similarities to the Bible story. But Jesus is excluded… Did you know that in the Bible record there were eight named people brought back to life after dying, a number of unnamed people came back to life at the resurrection of Christ, and then Jesus himself came back to life? There’s also Ezekiel’s vision of the valley of dry bones coming to life that represents the nation of Israel coming back to their land and back into relationship with their God. Zombie-esk~
Thanks for including the picture of the project you’re working on. You are very talented. I had a thought over the Easter weekend. What would a mask of me look like if the “veil” was taken off my heart. What would my heart look like unrestricted of it’s selfishness and sin? What evil lurks there? It’s a sobering thought.
I have a few more thoughts about what you wrote re imposter syndrome, but I am too tired to think it through tonight. Will be back in touch Friend.
Take care,
CA
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I haven’t forgotten our conversation or my saying I had some thoughts about imposter syndrome. I just haven’t had the time to write more, but I will!
Have you ever thought about doing a double mask, a layered one? Could it be done? The thought came to mind when I was thinking about what a mask of my heart would look like. The top mask would be beautiful, and then easily removed to reveal the grotesque.
The beautiful one represents my presenting self, and also my hope of heaven. The grotesque one reveals the depths of depravity I’m sure I could go to if left unchecked. The current reality is somewhere in-between…
Hope you are well and taking good care of yourself! 
CA~
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So getting back to imposter syndrome…the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result on one’s own efforts or skills. Is that what you’re thinking/feeling? You said you feel like you are not in control of your actions and that it seems like someone else is doing things for you.
I guess the way I think about it is that it’s really you controlling yourself or something from the spirit realm influencing you. ( I will grant that there may be something else going on that I can’t think of) You know you can be “road hypnotized.” You get where you’re going but don’t remember how you got there. What are you doing when you feel out of control or like someone else is doing for you? If you’re being creative, making your masks, maybe it’s you in your creative process zone.
Or there’s the other option. We’ve talked about spiritual things and my Christian beliefs. The Christian believes that the Holy Spirit lives within after the Creator-created relationship is restored through Jesus. There are stories of angels (messengers of God) interacting with humans. It might not be a surprise to you that I think unclean spiritual beings can influence or possess us, but only with our
permission or when they have the right to interfere. There are Biblical accounts of the sons of God having sex with the daughters of men. There are stories of demon possession, One mark of demonic interference is that initially the “help” that is given seems good, satisfying, but there is always a price for the help, and that my friend is to a bondage that comes later, the loss of your free will. Free will according to the Bible is God’s gift to man. With it we can choose to love God or not, he doesn’t force himself on us. When our free will becomes bound up with God’s enemy…Do you think the enemy wants us to become free again?
It can sound as strange as zombies!
The Bible is the story of God intervening in the mess that men and women have made of his good world and of ourselves, and making the way for the relationship between Creator and created to be restored. It’s the story of Jesus’ rescue from sin and Satan though his death and resurrection. Jesus has gone all the way through death and hell and out the other side into new life. He’s willing to take us through too. It’s his heart’s desire to do it.
So what do you think is really going on with you when you say imposter syndrome?
How are you doing these days?
I tried to post some pics a week or so ago, but I got twisted up in my google photos and had to delete them. I’m not so tech savvy. I’ve been digging in the dirt and am enjoying the Spring flowers.
CA~
I made a post recently about my recent struggles. Things have not been going well. I apologize for leaving you in the dark. Please read my newest post.
Thinking of you this morning. I care about you~
Hey there. I’m still here. School is wrapping up, I have my grad ceremony next week. I’ve just been floating by, trying to tie up loose ends in school and spending time with friends. It’s still rough, but I’ve been coping.
Congratulations on finishing up school! It’s a major accomplishment! I’m sure it’s been rough, but it makes my heart glad to know that you’re coping.
I hope the time you’re spending with your friends has been good for you. If I remember correctly, you’ll be going off for more schooling in the fall. This summer in will be a time of transition for you, and I hope a time of enjoyment and rest.
Take care~
I’ll check in again
2022!
Dropping by to say “Hi”
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Awe what a pretty bird! I’m not a nature guy but I can always appreciate the beauty of the outdoors. How have you been?
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I’m doing well. Thanks for asking.
I’m recently into taking pictures, and I like the outdoors. The pic is of a female cardinal. We’ve got some 20 different birds that fly around our porch. But I’m really a Monarch butterfly fanatic. I’ve got a flower garden (the previous pic is from it) and milkweed can grow wherever it wants in the midst of it. It’s the only plant Monarch caterpillars will eat. It makes them poisonous to birds, so the birds leave them alone, mostly. I make war on the demonic red ants that eat the Monarch eggs. My family calls me The Monarch Madam and say I have Monarch madness when they start showing up. I’m enthralled by the process of metamorphosis…
It’s the hope I hold onto for myself…
Such are the out workings of my mind!
Take care~
Will check in again~
CA
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Checking in…
How are you doing?
I’m watching Les Miserables tonight…for the first time…thought provoking.
Hello! I’ll be making a post about a new work and some college stuff I’m thinking about. Sorry I haven’t been on here more!
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Hope you are well~
And enjoying the summer😎