every day is a shitty day but today i feel even more useless. i feel like everything used on me is just wasted. i wish somebody else who wanted to live had my life instead. maybe then i wouldn’t feel like some idiotic useless fuck that everyone’s hates.
my mom had to go get an iv today and my dad took her and i called to ask when they would be back and i told my dad about all the cleaning my sister and i did and that my cat peed in a box cause my sister was dumb and blocked their litter box and he got mad at me. i think he thought i was saying that was his to clean up outside or something. he yelled at me but i just said that i couldn’t help move stuff either cause i hurt my wrist again too. i had it previously sprained from moving stuff and it never fully healed and i was moving more stuff today so it fucked it up again. we were supposed to move something out and i said i couldn’t and he said to just not do it then and i guess it was the way he said it or something because just hearing that stupid small thing made me want to cry. i always feel so fucking useless to everyone as is; idk why that hurt. then my sister told me to call ym mom and tell her what i want to eat and i called because where they were going to get food didn’t have a menu available online and i tried to say that but she just yelled at me and told me to look online so now i don’t even want to eat even though i haven’t had anything in over a day. i just feel like everything i want is just so fucking wasteful because it’s me. i hate myself so fucking much and i don’t think anybody realizes how much. it’s so stupid. why the fuck do i get upset over such little things? is it because all of the pain i feel if i don’t distract myself that makes it hurt more? i don’t fucking know. i just want everything to end already. i’m so tired
Thank you for sharing and I’m so sad to hear you feel this way because from what I’m reading you’re doing absolutely nothing wrong!
From what I can tell unfortunately I would say that the main reason for you feeling this way is because of how your parents are acting towards you. So the cat peed in a box, that’s not a big deal and pets having accidents happen all the time! For example, I was having a Zoom meeting today and right in the middle of it i hear a splash coming from the bathroom followed by my cat sprinting like Bolt across the living room shaking off water and “toilet blue” (cleaner for the toilet making the water blue).
I had forgot to close the lid on the toilet during a break and well, she instantly took the chance to inspect it… head first (she then got a shower, meowing like it was the worst morning ever in her life!).
What I’m trying to get at is that it was just an accident and no one is to blame, these things happen. And you should try to (I know it’s very hard) not care about your dad getting angry about it, he is overreacting and in turn making you feel bad.
The same goes for the food, yet again you have done absolutely nothing wrong here and your mom is overreacting about something completely out of your control.
Putting blame on others are usually not what I would recommend, but in this case it’s so very very clear to me that you are getting very harsh reactions on minor things not even in your control. Instead the ones who should be here are your parents who are creating this toxic environment, to help them deal with their anger issues.
eh i can understand my dads pov cause my mom and sister keep stressing him out all of the time but my moms always just been rude to me for no good reason so eh
