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Why am i the messed up one

I just turned 20 on June 16, and my entire birthday no one said a single thing, like no one, talked to me. I live with my parents because I can’t drive, I’m too anxious to try, I’ve been in and seen too many wrecks. I need a ride to my part-time job but I have no money or a cab, and my dad cut me off today. screaming at me, to the point I’m in tears, and I have tough walls, it takes a lot to make them fall. after I started crying he laughed at me and called me pathetic, and screamed at me more. I wish I could get out but I can’t. I have no money no way to get to work, and my only friend lives 18 hours away… I can’t keep doing this. I am the only child who can’t seem to get their life together and it’s making me want to quit my job run away and sleep on a train track and hope I get run over… Last time I told him how I feel he told me to grow up. I can’t tell him how he is treating me, because I know he doesn’t care. what can I possibly do to pull myself out of this?

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I’d say “happy birthday,” but it doesn’t really sound like it was a very good birthday at all. :frowning:

You’re in a tough spot in life… That transition from adolescence to adulthood. I remember that time in my own life, and yeah, it was crappy. It sounds like your dad was really mean to you, but don’t let him convince you that you’re pathetic. You’re not. You’re a young person, and you have lots yet to learn. Lacking life experience doesn’t make you pathetic. Nobody has much wisdom at the age of 20 (including your dad, even if it seems he’s forgotten that tidbit). You can do this, Babz.

Since it sounds like you’re specifically asking for possible solutions, I’ll share how I got out on my own when I was 19 (and carless). I found a super cheap apartment in a rough area of town, got a roommate, and got a crap job at a grocery store that was walking distance from the apartment.

You said you don’t have any friends nearby, but you might be able to find a roommate by posting on Craigslist if you live in a big enough town to have a local Craigslist. It sounds like you currently do have a job. You might also ask if any of your coworkers are looking for a place or willing to explore being your roommate. Look for apartments near your job so you can walk instead of being dependent on others.

You’re headed for a big life transition, but you CAN do it. I believe in you.

Big hugs, happy belated birthday too! Abusive and unsupportive parents can be horrible in life, the first people you want to please and receive live from. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I agree with squints-a-lot, find a room for lease within walking distance to your job if possible? If not, maybe look into places and jobs that you can move to, away from the abuse. It’s scary, I know, but being put down is not the life you deserve. Do you have any other family you trust that you can move in with? You could offer to pay your way as soon as you get your feet on the ground.