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Why Cant I Get A Break?

There’s this pit in my stomach. It makes me feel nauseous and I think it’s linked to the loneliness I feel on a daily basis. I just want to rip my heart out. I feel worthless and unlovable. I hate feeling at all. I just want to be numb. That’s what I want. I want to just shut it all off forever. No one will ever see me as anything other than a waste of space. I don’t have any purpose in this world. There’s nothing good about me to give. I can’t find anything I need right now. I just want to feel worth something. I want to feel good enough. I want something good. Is it selfish to feel this way? I know that there are people who need happiness more than me. I don’t need the happiness; I just want these feelings to stop. I want to stop hurting this much. I want to stop feeling so sad and in pain when I see someone that I am interested in. I know I will never be good enough for anyone. I’m not pretty enough, I could skip a few meals and that would probably help my situation. What happens when I hate myself so much that I turn to food for comfort? How do you become worth it? I don’t think I am going to make it very far in my life. Nothing is helping me. I try to take deep breaths but I am still in pain. It still hurts being so alone. Opening my phone and seeing no one is interested in speaking to me. I don’t get told I’m pretty unless it’s from friends. I know they are just saying it so I don’t feel bad. I’m nothing. Everyone wants something, not nothing. I don’t have much to really live for at this point. I love my family and friends but nothing fills the gaping hole in my heart. That hole makes it hard to breathe. I am not good enough. I am nothing and that hurt a lot. I just want a break from this. A little tiny bit of happiness or love in my life. Something to keep me going because right now, its tough not to just give up.

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Hey friend. Thank you for sharing.

I understand this on a very deep level. The constant feeling of not being good enough, the overwhelming thoughts and feelings that come with not getting a reply to your messages. Never being told you’re beautiful.
I have a lot of people in my life right now that love me, however, none really around me physically, which means a lot of our communication is through messages. When I don’t get replies, I just spiral. Why do they hate me? Are they bored with me? Am I not worth their time? They don’t actually care about me. They’d be better off if I just disappeared… Then I start to slip into the idea of isolating from everyone and dealing with the pain I’m feeling on my own.

It’s so lonely. After losing the one friend I could rely on to be there at the end of the phone every day, I’ve felt so lonely. It’s so hard to not have that contact. However, I have to learn that people can’t be present 24/7, and will do the best they can do.

Believe me, I understand. It’s hard for me to accept that. However, the fact WE are a part of this community means we have that love you are looking for in our lives. YOU have more than that “tiny bit of love” in your life.

Come and join our twitch streams and discord (You are welcome to DM me for the details there if you’re interested) and let us show you that love.

Hold Fast
Kayla

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It’s not selfish to want to feel your inherent worth. I’ve had trouble recognizing my worth too. It’s taken me a long time to internalize HeartSupport’s message that everyone has worth because they are a person. Worth is regardless of your looks or you productivity. You are worthy of love and happiness, and we believe you deserve those things.

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Hey. We spoke about your topic on stream! Here’s the link to the live video response: https://www.twitch.tv/videos/741826252 <3

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