Why did I still love this person, even they hurt me

I’m going to see mastodon and gojira tonight in Boston. However I’m nervous to see that asshole from Rhode Island tonight. It crazy thoughts, I wish could not give two shit and just have a good time. But if I see her, I might have a nervous breakdown.

I hate that fact I still love her, she does not deserve it. I drove to Rhode Isiand for hour, we would meet at lighthouse to skate and then I thought it was real friendship. But it was all a lie, just use me. One rule that people need to fellow, if you don’t like someone don’t use them.

It almost been a year and still not over that asshole. I still love her, because I fell in love with the lie. I still say fuck of shit about her, but part of me hate her for what she has done to me.

She reason why I self harm and have mental breakdowns. Reason why I will never be close to someone ever again. I would not let anyone hurt me ever again. I rather die alone….

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