Why do I always have to give so much?

I can say one of my best traits about myself is I’m always there for my friends no matter what. And not just in the emotional sense, I’ve helped my friends turn there college careers around find programs jobs etc. But I feel like in a lot of ways I don’t have anyone else to pour into me like that. Somedays when I’m feeling stressed I just won’t respond to a friend if they’re being hardheaded or not listening to what I have to say. But I just feel like I had someone like that in my corner, because it just takes so much out of me to constantly be thinking of ways to make people feel better and help get them out of their situations. Sometimes I just wish I had an entire year and I could just be as selfish as possible and just invest in me without being concerned about trying to make someone elses situation better. Like I’m just getting to the point where I can’t give anymore.

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This is something that I struggle with often too and I also feel like one of my greatest traits is my willingness to be generous and give as much of myself as I can to other people. Similarly, whenever I’m down, I know that I shouldn’t expect people to also pour into me for pouring into them, that’s not the reason why I pour myself out to people and I am sure that you also do it out of love without expecting anything in return, but it does kinda hurt a bit when you’re giving so much of yourself and you aren’t really getting anything back. There is only so much of yourself that you can give especially when you have your own life to live and your own battles and problems to face, you need to save some of loving generosity for yourself. For what it’s worth, perhaps setting boundaries for yourself might be a good thing. An example of this could be taking one or two or maybe even a couple days out of your week just for yourself and make them “you days.” During these days you just do things that you want to do and treat yourself.

I hope that this gets better and that you are able to have some of the good quality self-care time. :slight_smile:

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@cxbachx I am so sorry you are feeling like this.
I have also been in this spot. That endless cycle of pouring into others and not feeling like you get that back.

I share this quote because it is exactly what we do we poor into others without getting it back. We also fight hard to help them while holding ourselves up. I want to tell you that on every air flight they tell you to secure yourself first than help others. Dont help others first. So I say that as a reminder that sometimes we have to help ourselves too. So if you are struggling in anyway remember to keep yourself healthy. I personally say that if my cup is emptying I need to plan for self care and work through stuff for me. If people truly are your friend they will understand that you need to take care of you too.

Also we are always here if you need to get people to help you along with stuff too. I dont know what is going on for you but we are here to support you too.

Hold fast

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Hey @cxbachx,

Sometimes I just wish I had an entire year and I could just be as selfish as possible and just invest in me without being concerned about trying to make someone elses situation better. Like I’m just getting to the point where I can’t give anymore.

To be aware of this now is really positive. It means you can try to do things differently, learn new ways to be there for the people you love, but first and foremost for yourself. It’s awesome to be loving, caring as you do, but there’s also many ways to be supportive to someone and it doesn’t have to be draining to you. Caring about someone or being empathetic is something that most people can relate to. Though setting boundaries and making yourself your very first priority is a real skill to acquire. It takes time, practice, trials and errors as well, but it’s worth it. You don’t have to sacrifice yourself to be there for the people you love.

What is your motivation/what does it represent to you to help your friends? What are your needs right now and how could you respond to it? How could you organize your time differently and make sure that you dedicate it to yourself first and foremost? Oftentimes, people who give a lot tend to be afraid of the idea that taking time for themselves would be selfish. But it’s not. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and you have a life to live. You don’t want to be burnt out - there is something powerful in your post, by acknowledging what’s not functioning right now. It might be interesting to think about what it means to you to be supportive, in a practical sense, and how you could adapt this view to you and not just others needs. You’re human too. And you matter as much as the people you care about.

A little less for others, a little more for you. It’s a matter of boundaries, communicating with your friends, creating a healthier balance. You can do this, at your own pace. :hrtlegolove:

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