Even though im younger then most people in this page i just feel so just not the same anymore for years iv kept all of this bottled up thinking maybe it will go away but its just gotten worse i used to think it was because of me i just wasn’t happy but lately i think its because of family they always make fun walk all over me give me no space say they want to help but it feels 100x worse the push me to do good but they just yell when i get a bad grade and don’t say you’ll do better next time and just i feel like i cant be happy my dad called me stupid when he read some of my messages on telling the only people i think understand how i feel and all i wanted to yell was if its so stupid then stop caring but i just couldn’t i hate seeing my mom cry and i feel like im reason of that now and i feel so guilty like such a disappointment i feel so empty so alone i just want to be happy.
Hi! I’m glad you’re here.
I can tell you from personal experience, bottling things up just hurts you in the process. We internalize so much that it takes it out on our own bodies. From what I’m reading, it sounds like you’re not seeing the support you’d like from your family - and that can be so tough - especially when you feel like your happiness and your family’s happiness depends on if you succeed or not.
I know it’s easier for someone to write out words telling you that it’s not your fault and that you are are not a disappointment than it is to believe them, but I do want you to know - you are worthy. You are worthy of happiness and knowing that you are not a disappointment. You are not stupid. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be validated by the people who care about you the most. I want you to know that we are here for you, and we love you. Please keep reaching out and talking to us.
<3 Tara
this started in fourth grade i just got so stressed with the work and the little time i had and thats when i got my first razor i don’t know why but i just felt like i had to cut even though i never did and for some reason it helped so over the years its been an on and off thing i stopped about a month ago but yesterday i just couldn’t take it i cried for about half an hour and cut again i feel terrible my parents have seen them before and my mom told me your not crazy are you and just doesn’t help she says i don’t wanna see more of them but when she does she just gets mad.
I understand the self harm. I’m a recovering self harmer myself. I had found it as a means to release the hurt and the overwhelming negative emotions that I was feeling and holding inside. Although it’s a coping mechanism, it’s ultimately unhealthy for us. But I understand it. Have you ever been introduced to any alternatives when it comes to cutting?
Has she ever expressed to you why seeing them makes her mad? Perhaps if she is open to it, you could talk to her about it sometime.
She hasn’t expressed why it makes her mad i didnt wanna question it because i thought it would annoy her and i didnt want that i haven’t tried new things because i don’t know what else helps i thought that’s the only way i feel better and talking to friends about it but now i cant even do that because she put a tracker on my messages and a lot of times i get really personal with them and i don’t want my family to know those things because i tear up talking about them and with them i feel like they will try to get me to therapy and shes questioned the friends i have even though they are the ones that help me and sometimes i just want some space from them.
Does she have a tracker on just your text messages or is it everything? I know it’s not my space to really say anything about that since I don’t know your personal home life, but I’m sorry to hear that. That would be really tough to deal with, especially when it feels like an invasion of your privacy.
Is there a reason why you wouldn’t want to go to therapy? Or is it the idea of being forced to go to therapy?
i have nothing against therapy im just scared and dont wanna open up to someone that can then expose that information to people and can lead to school then that might affect job applications and i prefer to keep it quiet and she tracks of my location and text messages and questions i search up etc.
Hi there,
I wanted to chip in and hopefully make you feel better - when you go to therapy sessions, there is strict confidentiality when it comes to what you say. The only time they have to make anyone aware of anything is if they feel you are an immediate danger to either yourself or others. Also, when it comes to healthcare in general, there are HIPPA laws that prevent the sharing of your medical information under penalty of law. No job to get should ever have access to your medical records, nor should any school. Medical records and privacy are a very big deal and like I said, any sharing of that knowledge would be illegal. Any job or school would need your written permission to share that information, although I don’t see why they would do that. I’ve had a lot of jobs over the years and not once was I asked for my medical history. Same with schools. So definitely do consider therapy as it may help, and don’t worry about what you say getting out. It’s not worth it to jobs/schools to be hit with a HIPPA violation.
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