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Why do I hurt myself?


#1

This is a question I’ve asked my self over and over again for over two years. I struggled with self harm in high school, but it was never this bad, and recently it just keeps getting worse, and I have to do it more to even cope, and make myself feel like it’s helping. I just don’t know why I do it. I find myself apologizing telling them, “I’m sorry that I have to hurt myself in order to feel okay.”

I feel so dumb, and I feel like people just don’t understand. When people at work saw the scars on my arm before they used to make jokes and be like oh she was probably an edgy high school girl who cut for attention, or she probably tried to kill herself. And now I’m so self conscious, so I just purposefully burn myself at work, so they just assume oh it’s just a burn. But the other day I got so upset I just kept punching the metal table, and nobody thought anything of it… is that self harm? Tonight I just kept burning myself til I could finally handle the emotional pain, or so I thought, but now I realize it wasn’t enough, and it just makes me want to self harm again, and makes me believe that maybe death is the only option to stop the pain.

Since I’ve been sober from pills (23 days) my urge to self harm has almost become unbearable and my new way to cope, but I hate myself for it, and I feel like it only pushes people away from me farther. I’m sorry for making a post about this… I just don’t know what to do.

Hold Fast,
Monkey


#2

Hey,

I have been here too. No one at my jobs or my family has ever known about my struggle with self injury, only twitch friends and heart support.

When I worked at McDonald’s I would purposely burn myself or see how much heat I could take.

Anything you do to cause pain to yourself physically is self injury.

I used to think what I was doing wasn’t self injury but it was. For me it was physically punching myself, hitting my head over and over, scratching myself over and over. It’s all self injury.

Just know you are not alone.

Also it’s very messed up for your colleagues to be acting like that. You should tell a supervisor.

Love,
Lys


#3

Hey @Monkey

Thank you for getting the courage to share your struggle right now. I personally Never self harmed but I know the best way of first dealing with anything like this is talking. I have had so many conversations with people who were self harming and what helped them on their way to healing was talking about it with someone. This self harm is only bring a short second of satisfaction, This will not fix your pan. I want to you start talking to maybe a councilor or your family. Be honest and say I want to get better.

Seriously know you are loved and I don’t want you harming yourself. I want you to know that you are not alone and we are all here for you.

-Morgan Vincent Hochstetler


#4

Hey. I relate with this I’m still figuring out what triggers my urges. It would be a good idea for you to figure it out too. Also finding the right therapist can help a lot. Stay strong!