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Why do I never stop hurting

I don’t think once in my whole life I have felt truly happy every one who I thought could make me happy left me or died. I wake up in the morning and force a smile and a happy tone just so people don’t see the pain down under. But there’s no life in my eyes I look in the mirror and all I see is a coward someone who is to afraid to end it and make everyone else’s lives easier. I just want to feel needed

Hey, hang in there Nate. Many people feel this way about themselves, including myself. I’ve been trying to improve it lately. Do you have any interests? Things to keep your spirits up or just keep your mind occupied?