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Why do I still feel down?

A very long story short, but I have been single for a very long time and have had a rough time with relationships, but I’ve recently been talking to this girl and everything seems to be going well…nothing official, but I plan too ask her next time I see her…I often find myself still feeling sad, or alone…I often will have voices in my head tell me that she really doesn’t like you, or she doesn’t care about you…I will often try to distract myself from these voices, but they are always there…I am afraid that the voices will stay even after a relationship is discussed or formed…I am afraid that because I don’t know how to control them they will seep in and start to ruin things…I try my best to remain control of myself and not let these voices control the narrative, but when its late and I am alone the voices get to work…I don’t really know what to do…

I am also afraid that I am not good enough for this person…like she could easily find someone better. Past relationships is probably where my ideas and thoughts of not being good enough come from…but idk…i guess i just feel like i needed to talk about this, and I don’t want to bother her with it and I’m afraid that it might ruin the relationship i guess…idk

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I know that feeling VERY well. That’s one insecurity I never quite managed to get over, even though I’m married to a Christian woman who’s in it for the long haul. That’s my current topic in therapy. Not dating in high school and early college translated to thinking I wasn’t good enough, so when I was in relationships I was just waiting for them to realize that, and when we broke up it would just confirm what I already “knew.”

All that said, the voices didn’t stop me from having a good time in my dating relationships, which I wouldn’t have had if I hadn’t just gone for it. When it comes to asking someone out, I’ve found it’s best to just go for it. The worst she can say is no, and “no” really isn’t that bad.

You’re not going to control the voices on your own. If you could, they wouldn’t be there in the first place. You just need to trust that everything is going to play out the way it’s meant to and fall in. Meanwhile, there will be another voice there that tells you how great it all is. Pay attention to that voice.

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Hey my man first thing I would love for you to know is YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS…

I have struggled with the same voices time after time and it definitely lead me down a dark road. They really beat me down but at the end of the day honestly they mean nothing.

Focus on whats in your heart and how you feel about these/ this girl and the positivity should pour out. Remember they are talking with you for a reason :slight_smile:

And it may be best to tell her as well what you are going through so that she can ask you time to time how you are doing with that.

We love you my man and we are in this together.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

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I really appreciate all the kind words…it’s definitely helped with trying to focus on the good thoughts…

I think the hard part is she lives about 2 hours away and she tested positive for covid so has been stuck quarantined for awhile…I guess my fear is that with all this time being stuck inside she’ll “wisen up” and realize that I’m boring or there’s nothing special about me…idk…they’re all stupid thoughts that run through my head and I hate them…

I she cares about me, I know she likes me, I’m confident enough to say that she would be in a relationship if I asked…but that voice is still there…and it gets loud sometimes…

I’m worried that if I told her that I have this voice telling me this stuff she’d feel like I don’t trust her or that all my worrying isn’t worth dealing with…

I guess I have these thoughts because I don’t always have the best view on myself…like why would anyone care about me

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