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Why do people care

so I’m probably going to sound like a crazy person but why does anybody on here care about me like you’ve never met me or really even know anything about me I could be a complete monster so why care about me at all I just have a hard time understanding because like I’ve never done anything for you why should you care what happens to me

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Have you heard of the “butterfly effect?” Essentially, it’s the concept that the movement of a butterfly’s wings can affect air currents in such a way that it’s movement increases in intensity, and gradually affects the movement of greater and greater amounts of air, eventually moving enough of it to shift weather patterns. It’s not unlike dropping a pebble on top of a mountain, and it leading to an avalanche.

There is also the “6 degrees of separation,” concept. The theory is the words and actions of any person can affect any other person in the world, with as few as six people involved. Although theoretically possible, I doubt that such a thing has ever happened, but it makes a strong case for our interconnectedness. That means, if you feel better, and untold number of other people will benefit.

A compassionate heart does not want anyone to suffer. It also realizes that our miraculous degree of uniqueness is a gift to the world that never existed before, nor ever will again. That’s another way of saying each individual has incredible value.

I am also convinced that we exist as multiple manifestations of consciousness in order to share love. There is no greater purpose.

Why care about a stranger? How do we know this person deserves to be cared about? One very significant qualifier is when a person has the courage to reach out, and express vulnerability. The odds of a “monster” coming to the Heart Support Wall are very small. This forum attracts people with empathy. Caring for those who are reaching out is an instantaneous thing.

Know that it’s not a one-sided thing, where just one person is giving and the other receiving. The receiver provides the gift of fulfillment to the giver. The giver, in one way or another, gives care and support to the receiver.

If you really are a monster, something in your background brought you to that state of mind, and a surprising number of monsters find healing through people who are willing to care.

So, just hang around and be cared about!

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b…but I don’t deserve any of it I’m just selfish and unable to change myself

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I wrote a pretty extensive response to you, but somehow it disappeared. I’ll try again tomorrow.

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You do deserve it. Almost everyone does. Even if we don’t know you, let’s say one of us passed by you in the streets and you were injured or something of that nature, I know one of us would stop and help. I know I would. I won’t give up on you and I know everyone else here won’t either.

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you mean your first post it’s still there I can still see it

but that’s what I don’t understand why help me you would get nothing out of it except trouble

We care because we chose to and you may think you are a monster, but what if we are monsters too? What if it’s because we understand what it’s like to be a monster? What if you may be a monster in the moment, but normally kind just suffering from a momentary lapse in judgement? What if only you see you as a monster and we know better than that? Whatever the case, this is a judgement free place to open up to others who may not have the same exact issues, but something similar and some understanding. That’s why we care, my friend. :slight_smile:

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T - T I just wish I could feel as important as everybody else believes me to be

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Your story is our story too. It’s different and unique to you, and yet something we can all relate to. I hear so much of myself in the people I interact with. I choose to help people here because I want to be the person I wish I’d had in my life. I want to be someone who’s been there and can say it gets better when everything seems completely hopeless. I want to use my pain to help others, so it wasn’t a complete fucking waste. And I’ve discovered that doing all that helps me process and heal too. I know I’m not alone in that sentiment here.

We help you for the same reason we help everyone else, because it’s what we needed once, or maybe what we still need. We’re stronger together. I came to this community believing I was healed and wanting to give back, and they have supported me in my struggles in ways I never expected.

@anon78643377, I don’t know your story, but I know you’ve been through unique struggles. It’s the case for everyone. You have unique perspectives and insights, and when the right person with the right problem comes along, you are uniquely positioned to share your insights and make them think in ways that wouldn’t have otherwise occurred to them. If everyone had all the answers, there would be no need for community at all. We all have something special to share, and when we empower others by sharing our struggles, it eventually comes back around to us.

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but I can’t help anyone I can’t even help myself all I do is take I add nothing to anything so I can’t understand why people would want to waste their time on a failure like me

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It’s a matter of perception, Jax. You see yourself a certain way: useless, worthless, a failure. And this perception that you have of yourself interrupts the possibility to see yourself the way we do. It’s a little bit like wearing glasses that colors your vision a certain way. You see yourself in grey while we see you in yellow, pink, green, or any other vibrant color. And the reason why most people here choose to give their time is because they relate to this perception that you have of yourself.

I tend to see myself like a failure too. I don’t understand why people spend time with me. I don’t want to burden them. But also, I have no right to decide for them what they want to do with their time. If they decide to share it with me, then I can try to give them the benefit of the doubt, to see their honesty, to trust them, even when I don’t trust myself.

Through connections that are healing, we learn to know ourselves too. People who genuinely care about us are an incredible pillar of strength to us, because they help us reveal the colors of our soul to our own eyes. You may see yourself in gray tones right now. But it’s by trusting others, trusting their love and care, that you’ll also progressively learn to see your own colors too. Sometimes, we just need others to believe in us before we feel able to believe in ourselves too.

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I can tell you that i care because there is always worth to a person. When someone is here and talking, they want to have someone to talk to. I for one am the same way. I am not going to always be perfect and be able to reply right away to everybody, but i know that it matters a great deal to reply and know that you matter to me because your personal life story matters to me.
Who you are, how your life is, how you are doing, what you like to do, how you want your life to go. The things about yourself, all these things just scratch the surface as to why you are worth while for me to know and to learn about you and you are worthy of only positive things happening in all things. I have had very hard times in my life and i know how much a good support system helps and how much positive people help me. So i also know being positive to others versus not, helps myself as much by bringing me out of my shell and brings out a forward thinking perspective. I think there’s great value in being able to have a good positive cause and effect when it is something that you know will go both ways in its own fashion because of the life each of us has lead.
By staying around and talking you have shared such intimate parts of your life and it is cherished, i for one take it in respect that you open up and so i do not want to tear down the true foundation that you are building here.
You deserve all these positive things that are being built right here and now.
You are loved, you matter, you are cared for greatly!

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I guess I never really thought about it like that it’s just I always feel like you are all better than me I see you helping others and being supportive and I’m just here unable to help

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I just find it hard to see whats so special about me and then the things I’ve done and the things I still do that make me feel completely unworthy of anything

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The feeling of unworthiness doesn’t go away immediately. In fact, it’s one of the last things to go away. I still think “deserve” is a dirty word. I accept the good things in my life as blessings, but not things I deserve or am worthy of.

If you see someone with a story you relate to, you don’t need to craft some beautiful response that would make the Dalai Lama cry. It’s enough to just stand with them. It’s enough to say “I understand what you’re going through. I’ve experienced that. I feel you. You’re not alone.” Allies are a gift to someone who feels all alone :hrtlegolove:

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It’s just how I am. I don’t run from danger, I run towards it. In my eyes, everyone deserves someone, everyone deserves a friend. And even if you can’t help someone right now, your time will come. I know that if I had never found this page, I could never have vented my feelings and I would probably still be grieving.

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thank you for being here for me

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Any time friend. We are all here for you.

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thanks again it really means a lot

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