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Why does healing take so long

i swear everytime i feel a bit of happiness , i go back into that very deep dark place again… btw i had got a new bestfriend (boy) um he liked me at first but i wasn’t really ready for a relationship because i still don’t know how to love myself & i had issues i didn’t want to burden anybody with … we became bestfriends but i started to catch feelings which i know i wasn’t suppose to but it brought all the memories we had back … he have a gf & i know im not suppose to catch feelings so i thought we could still remain bestfriends without having feelings for him but it just kept growing strong the more we talk , laugh or see each other … but at the end of the day i was never gonna ruin his relationship with his forever girlfriend , thats not me at ALL. we talked abt going to college together , and have fun… but he told me his gf told him he couldnt have any girl bestfriends and i totally respect that , but why does he constantly tries to talk to me now that we are not bestfriends anymore ? :frowning: i wish i had gave him a chance but it was the right person wrong time i swear it was … i can’t hold conversations w/// him like we use to :<. i keep my distance away from him but idk why i always put others before myself , i dont know why its so hard for me to love myself , i wish i had that confidence everybody have without hating myself

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Hey @kennedy. Healing isn’t a linear process. The reason it’s so hard to get better is, after so much time feeling bad, is a comfortable place to be. Feeling good is strange, and at times scary, and it can be exhausting. The good news is you’re starting to feel happiness. It’s like practicing. You’re getting better, and the more happiness you feel the longer it will last. It will still take a long time, maybe years, and it will be hard, but you’re making big progress!

As for the guy, of his gf said she doesn’t want him talking to you and he still does anyway, that’s an issue between him and her. She’s insecure about you, which is understandable given your history of feelings for each other. He doesn’t want to let you go, and probably doesn’t like that she’s telling him who he can and can’t talk to. It’s not fair to you, since you have feelings for him. If you’re not trying to pursue him, you’re not damaging their relationship, he is.

If you want any confusion cleared up, you need to have a brutally honest conversation with him. Does he want to commit to his girlfriend, or have you in his life? The way things are going now, he can’t have both. If he chooses her, he needs to leave you alone so you can heal and move on without having the wounds held open by false hope. If he wants you in his life, then he needs to quit hiding from his gf and tell her, and accept whatever happens after that. So much of what complicates relationships is people trying not to hurt other people’s feelings, but in the end they wind up getting hurt even more. It’s best to cut ties once and for all, feel all the pain all at once, and begin to heal and grow.

I wish you luck friend :hrtlegolove: