I had written this post before months ago, but I feel these feelings are welling up back inside me again, so I want to put a stop to it.
Basically, the show Power was on the TV in the living room last night (I don’t watch the show, my mother does). As I was heading back into my room, a VERY aggressive sex scene was starting to show. Now Power is a Adult show being shown on Starz, so I shouldn’t be surprised by this, but for some reason, I couldn’t tear my eyes away. As it was going on, feelings of incompetence, loneliness, and hatred started to well up inside me. I’ve always had these feelings before, but it was only when this happened that I was able to put a word to it. Like, these two people are able to in a extremely pleasurable activity that I have not known and most likely will never known. It’s like the show was mocking me of my inadequacy. Not only that, but the very next scene showed one of the characters from the previous scene going to work like it was all normal. It made me realize something. Whenever I go outside and see people, whether they be family, coworkers, or complete strangers, they all have a chance of being able to have aggressive sex just like in the scene, and they act like that is totally normal and having it is simple to do. What does that say about me, someone who has never even held a girl’s hand? Does that make me sub-human, a freak, someone who is a bight of nature and should be erased?
Before you say anything, yes, I know and understand that this post sounds extremely incel-ish, and maybe it’s because I have trouble diffening between reality and fantasy, but I just want to know if my feelings are valid and what should I do to make myself feel less like a freak?
We live in a society that often makes us feel like in order to be normal or to fit in, we have to have sex, be a certain weight or look a certain way. But the truth of the matter is, it’s not true. Every one of us has our own way of walking through life and our own pace.
It does not make you a freak for not having sex yet. My partner was almost 30. And I know others who were even older. The world puts a lot of pressure on sexual content and behavior. Causing so many to feel like they aren’t normal if they aren’t doing these things. And it sucks that you have to feel like you’re a freak or abnormal when you really actually are NOT.
But to feel that way is valid. You know it’s fair to have the feelings you do when you see these sex scenes. As a human you want to be loved, to be wanted, to be needed. As a human we naturally want companionship and intimacy. And that’s okay! I know it doesn’t always come when we want it to and that truly sucks. But it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. You are not defined by your intimate life. Nor is your value based in your intimate experiences.
It’s Important to love ourselves. And not be overly critical on ourselves for not experiencing life and the world the same or as quickly as others. But instead focus on the things that fulfill us and make us happy. Sometimes therapy can really help with this and help us work through these hard emotions that you are facing. Giving us guidance with no judgement.
Maybe this could be of help to you: https://www.betterhelp.com/heartsupport it’s a 7 day free trial for some online counseling where you can connect to a therapist around the clock either by texting or by setting up a voice chat. You can also send voice texts if you use the app on your browser. I encourage you to consider it.
Friend I’m sorry for the feelings you are facing. For feeling inadequate. These feelings matter and are valid. And I hope you’re able to find peace and healing within yourself.
Thank you for being caring enough to say this. I just feel like that you have until a specific age to have sex, and if you don’t, you are considered defective. Not only that, but Society and media make it seem like it’s easy to have sex, and if you’re not, and if it’s incredibly hard for you, you are incompetent of the highest level. It makes me hate myself.
hey there i can totally get where you’re coming from, the perfect bodies that the actors have and the way everything seems so perfect it’s everyone’s dream. but it’s a the thing is they are just acting, they don’t have a connection or anything and with the music people release now it’s all about fucking bitches and getting money and the stereotype placed on each gender to have sex at a certain again it’s ridiculous to be frank, i can get it. the way models look now a days to sell lingerie and men’s model to shoe underwear it’s all showing the “ideal” body someone has or the way it’s “supposed to look” but the thing is and not to pull the super religious card but I am raised pentecostal and I believe that God made you exactly how he planned and that someone that is just right for you will come and help take that feeling as you do to them i know the journey of self love is hard but always remember a small step is still progress. you’re loved so much