Hey, I suffer from depression for a couple of months. I do know how to stop feeling this way but I just don´t feel like stop treating myself in such a bad way. Every time thoughts appear telling me I´m sh*t or something like that I try to fight it but it the end those thoughts win because I know they are right. For example, I just can´t have a relationship cause nobody likes me and the few times I had something with someone the girl ended up leaving me and cheating on me. Maybe it can sound dumb or not important but it is for me. Just like that, some people act in ways without doing it on purpose but they make me think I´m useless. I don´t know what to do.
Hey fren, i can relate to this. I’ve also been cheated on, and honestly it sucks, but that doesnt mean that you are useless. It just means that you haven’t found the right person yet, tbh I’ve been single for the past 5 years… I get lonely sometimes but we have to learn to accept ourselves and care for us before caring about others. So cliche right, but its true… It doesnt matter what others think about us. What we think about ourselves matters most… You arent a loser. You are amazing and you need to discover your unique gifts and use them. Dont compare yourself to others. Im Always here if you need to chat, honestly this is something im constantly struggling with so i totally understand.
That’s a bummer man…to feel like you can’t fight back those negative thoughts because you feel like they are truer than what you’re fighting back with…to feel like you won’t find love or relationship because there’s been this history of girls leaving and cheating on you, like there’s something wrong with you because this keeps happening…to feel like other people’s pain reveals this side of your worth and it makes you feel useless. And you don’t know how to fight back against those thoughts, and it’s really getting you down.
I feel that man. I’ve struggled to fight that same fight myself. The biggest thing that helped in my own life was to learn the truth. Because the only way to fight back against the lies of my worth is to know the truth and to believe the truth – even if it’s on faith – over the lies.
For me, I found the truth in the way God sees me. He accepts me, fights for me, defends me, favors me, and can’t stop loving me. He says I am his masterpiece, that I am enough, that I am his beloved son. I find my truth in what he says about me, and it helps me feel anchored when those stormy thoughts come.
However you find truth, you need to find it. Write it down. Keep it with you (I keep my truths in my wallet: 1) he loves the sound of my voice, he is my father, I am his beloved son; 2) he says I am the best, he says I am nathaniel, he is the judge; 3) he says I have the body of a man, I am his masterpiece, he is the creator; 4) he says he will lead me out, I can trust him, he is my shepherd), and pull those truths out whenever the lies come. Yesterday I was feeling pretty worthless / like a failure as I was doing something at work, and I just pulled out those notes from my wallet and put them beside my computer and protected my heart from the lies with the truth.
Find the truth, and use it to battle the lies, and you’ll be sure to win. “You will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” -Jesus
Every time that happens speak up and defend yourself by stating the opposite. If the thought is “I am worthless.” Say, “I am priceless.”
For me, it was “I am a loser and everybody hates me.” I would think this because I had no friends or girlfriend. I would reason that this was because people didn’t want to hang out or get to know me.
So that thought ran through my mind. The REAL reason was that I wouldn’t talk or converse with people so there was nobody that knew me or got to know me so we couldn’t become friends or much more. I wouldn’t talk to people because I was shy, I had a phobia of strangers and I didn’t know how to have a proper conversation.
It was just so easy to accept the delusion and the lie that “I am a loser & everybody hated me.” A delusion is just a lie that anyone believes. It is however not true. It also prevents you from dealing with the real issues you have.
For me, it was my lack of skills in communication and my fear of being around people that I do not know.
How are they right? Why do you think they are right. Can you give me any evidence that these thoughts are right? Please explain (most likely if you can’t explain in detail then you’ve decided to delude yourself and most likely what you consider is right or fact is actually a lie.)
I am in a similar boat. I use to think that it was me because I was not good-looking enough or I wasn’t man enough to have a girlfriend. It wasn’t true. It was the person that I hooked up with. I lacked confidence in myself so I was willing to settle for whoever would date me. Those that dated me wanted to date friends or people that I knew (Eric and David. I get it David & Eric were great guys, better looking than me & athletic, not to mention they were nice.) The girls that I dated weren’t interested in me or who I was. I was a gateway to getting the man they wanted.
Guess what happened? They dumped me because they found out that the men they wanted were taken and serious about their girlfriends. They had no chance with them and found out that being with me was a waste of time and their efforts were wasted. They had no chance because the guys they wanted weren’t going to cheat on their girlfriends & they were turned off even more that these girls would cheat on me & expected them to cheat on their girlfriends.
When I was in high school I thought it was me. Now that I’m an adult. I’m glad they didn’t settle on me. I want someone that would like to live and be with me not someone that only settled for me because I was available and the one they wanted wasn’t.
Don’t expect others to value you. You need to value yourself. The fact of the matter is if you think you are useless/worthless now and your value changed because one day a girl hooks up with you. What happens when this girl dumps you? It is a cycle of purposely punishing yourself. That is a logic of a lunatic. My value is determined by others or how others see me. What if it was a scumbag that says “you’re a loser?” Are you going to believe them? (Scumbag as in someone you would want nothing to do with. For me, it is a pedophile.) Are you going to care what they think of you? Absolutely not. If not then you won’t really care what anybody says then not even the one you love.
This means even if you finally get the girl you love/dream of. She could tell you every day “You are priceless,” or “You are the world to me.” You won’t care what she says because that voice in your head will tell you that “you are worthless.” Your thought when she speaks that will be “She is clueless” or “she is blind.” Why? Because you’ve never accepted yourself and therefore it is impossible for others to accept you.
What you need to do is change your perspective of yourself. You need to value yourself. You start by speaking good things about yourself. Read into matters that make you think you’re worthless. For example, you said how you can’t have a girlfriend or you end up with one that cheats on you. Read about dating and/or getting a girl that won’t cheat on you. That is How you start to change your own mind.