My older brother (let’s call him Brother 1) is turning 35 years old this October (2021) and he lives in my mother’s basement. From about Oct. 2019-Oct. 2020 he paid absolutely no rent whatsoever. At some point, he moved his rude GF into the basement. Still no rent. Then my father passed away in June 2020. After a few months later, I convinced my mom to finally start charging these two adults in her basement rent.
So now, (Brother 1) and his GF pay only $300 rent for both of them to live in the basement. (The GF works from home so she has a whole office set up in the main room, plus they have a bedroom with a walk-in closet and a full ensuite bathroom). So just to recap, that is $150 per grown adult with a full-time job living in a retired woman’s basement who just lost her husband. My mom thinks she is “taking care” of them, my brother thinks he is “taking care” of my mother, meanwhile the house is a mess and he is bleeding her financially. My mom also pays for all of the utilities, Internet, cable and groceries for the house. I know my mom enjoys not living alone right now, which is why I think she allows this to continue. But I think (Brother 1) should be able to keep her company and pay his fair share?
My oldest brother (let’s call him Brother 2) lives in B.C., and he doesn’t seem to think that money is an issue when I try and discuss this with him. (Brother 2) says that mom has a lot of money, and not to worry. But, I still think that as an adult (Brother 1) should pay his fair share. If mom is so rich, and with that mentality, why don’t we all just leech off Mom? Oh yeah, because it’s not right!
Furthermore, I am still furious that (Brother 1) called me “a fucking cunt” during a text message argument a few months ago. Trust me, I did not deserve it. I wish my family would clearly state to (Brother 1) that they are not okay with him calling me a cunt. They say that they have tried before, but (Brother 1) just gets angry and defensive of his actions and starts yelling. (Brother 2) hung up on (Brother 1) instead of trying to have a conversation or argument about it. My mom can’t deal with this bullshit right now, and she shouldn’t have to, she just lost her husband. She says that she wants to stay out of adult children’s quarrels (but she still refuses to treat (Brother 1) like an actual adult, it’s so frustrating).
It would be nice if people stopped enabling (Brother 1), his anger and his behaviour. When (Brother 1) has a hissy fit when you tell him not to call his little sister a “fucking cunt”, then perhaps stop talking to him or hanging out with him, or supporting him financially? Maybe then he will get the message that we are not okay with this type of language and behaviour. Why is everyone so scared of him? Because he is so angry all the time?
When I asked (Brother 2) if things would be different if (Brother 1) called his own wife (let’s call her Susan) a fucking cunt, and he indicated that yes, his reaction would be different in that case. That really sucks, I wish he would stick up for me the same way he would stick up for his wife.
Another random fact, there have been about three or more bats in my mother’s basement this summer because of (Brother 1) and his GF. Just close the fucking door, it’s not that difficult. Last year they had a pile of laundry with I don’t even know what in the closet, to the point where bugs started breeding in their mess of a closet. So last summer it was larva in the bedroom, and this summer it is bats in the back room (presumably shitting on things).
Also, my mom wrote in an email to me that she thinks (Brother 1’s) girlfriend has a histrionic personality disorder. This conversation was triggered because the GF exhibited some really disrespectful behaviour after our father’s death (which is what started the argument with my brother and I in the first place, because I tried to talk to him about her inappropriate behaviour).
(Brother 2) also wrote that the GF is a “raving manipulative loony ingrate” in an email. I just wish they would say these things to (Brother 1’s) face. I wish people would stop pandering to this giant man baby and his GF.
Moreover, how is (Brother 1) ever going to seek help for his anger issues, or other potential mental health issues (we think he may have depression, also bipolar runs in our family) if everyone keeps pandering to him as if his behaviour is totally normal and acceptable? He will never seek help or change if everyone keeps sheltering him.
Anyway, now that this is all out of my brain perhaps I can get some work done today.
Thanks for letting me vent Heartsupport, and any advice or words of encouragement would be appreciated.
Thank you. <3