I have encountered this feeling a lot in my life. Sure, some things have been great in my life. But not everything. While in church growing up, I always heard testimonies of how people would overcome abuse, drug addiction, trauma, etc. I have none of those things in my life. Their stories were supposed to be inspiring, and they were for a while. How could you not be inspired? But what about people like me who have nothing terrible in their life but just feel, blank. Empty. Even on the good days, the pit of me is empty.
As I grew up, I started to think I HAD to have some sort of “thing” to overcome, or whatever story I did have, just didn’t matter. Because it wasn’t big and heavy enough. I started to think that God could not love me if my story wasn’t “hard” enough. But under everything, I felt empty. My story wasn’t super emotional. My decision to follow Christ wasn’t super emotional. I was told that my faith was invalid because I did not remember the exact day I chose it, and that I didn’t cry or have a huge emotional experience.
I met a few friends, and mostly came to terms with this. I felt ok with it, but not good. Let me rephrase, I fell ok with it, but I also feel like I’m not supposed to be ok with it.
Now, I’ve found Heart Support. But I still feel like an imposter. Ignored because my story isn’t big enough or hard enough. I feel like nothing I say has weight and that’s why I’m dismissed. I really believe people’s stories are valid because they’re the only one with that story. They’re the only one who can tell that story in the entire world. But why do i constantly find myself in a position where what I have to say isn’t seen or heard because it’s not big enough. Why can’t people be loved without huge stories? I feel so alone and empty, but most every part of my life is super great. Where do I go?