Why is this happening again

Last year in the fall, I was in a very depressive state. Over time it went away, and I thought it was just hormones or something. For the past couple of weeks, my mental health has been in decline. It isn’t as bad as it was before, but I am scared it might become worse. Last time, I ruined my friendship with two great people.

When I was with those two friends, one (let’s say their name is Taylor) was also not doing well mentally. I got so anxious and worried about Taylor that I would feel nauseous every time I was around her. I have started to feel nauseous around another friend (let’s say their name is Macy.) I have been getting paranoid thinking she is mad at me, or I will get anxious around her. I don’t want to miss up and her abandon me, but I am scared she already is.

Why is this happening to me? Am I always just going to tear apart one group after another when I am depressed? If anyone has answers or can relate please please please tell me. I feel so alone.


Depression affects perception. For example, a person with a neutral expression can be interpreted by a person who isn’t depressed as neutral. Depression tends to shade everything in a negative light, and the neutral expression may end up being interpreted as suspicious, hostile or thoughtless disregard.

The problem isn’t just limited to depression. When a person feels ill or exhausted, they’re more likely to interpret other people’s expressions negatively.

You have the double challenge of depression and a form of empathy that doesn’t spare your emotions or emotional connection to those who may be suffering. I would never discourage someone’s empathy, but it needs to be combined with the kind of strength that allows a person to be supportive while keeping the empathy from becoming overwhelming. If you encounter someone in a pit of despair, it doesn’t help that person if you dive into the pit with them. If that happens, the two of you end up reinforcing each other’s despair.

You indicate that you get nauseous in the presence of those you worry about. I think that’s because your empathy ties your emotional survival to theirs. I also think you’ve tied your identity to theirs, so if they leave, a part of you leaves with them, and that’s scary. The trick is to be compassionate empathetic and caring while at the same time cultivating sufficient emotional resilience that you can be a lifeline for those who need one.

Keep in mind, some people will reject that lifeline no matter how much they need it.

Those feelings are often sensed by a person and it can make them uncomfortable enough that they may start avoiding the anxious person. Paranoia will not help with communication, nor will it improve whatever is happening.

The best way to remain close to another person who’s having problems is to not worry about what that person thinks of you. Instead, listen to them and focus on being supportive. When your focus is turned outward and your mind is occupied with thoughts related to the well being of the other person, there usually isn’t any room left for paranoia.

The significant thing about that is “when I’m depressed.” It’s hard to be good company while being depressed. Things said are taken the wrong way. As I mentioned earlier, people’s expressions and body language may come across as negative. A depressed person often becomes defensive after taking a comment the wrong way.

Here I am talking about coping strategies and ways of thinking that those you’re worried about haven’t even begun to understand. Because of that, your best intentions may be thwarted. That’s when the rubber hits the road when it comes to compassion and empathy, especially when it goes unacknowledged.

Finally, if bouts of depression are hurting your life, look for therapy or counseling. Ask for a referral from your doctor. Despite everything, life does offer opportunities for sharing love and happiness.

Thank you for sharing your question. Please check back and let us know how you’re doing.

Sometimes depression and anxiety have a tendency to replace the meaning behind friendships with a sort of misgiving and dissatisfaction.

The more depression and anxiety grow the more they appear to overshadow positive input and there may even be some sense of rejection sensitivity where we perceive actions, words and even looks to be an immediate negative stimuli.

This in turn creates miscommunication and misunderstanding and increases the negative beliefs we start to form.

How do we start to overcome those moments then?
My personal experience was acknowledging it was time to start

  1. Going to a dr to discuss my mental state. I couldn’t keep doing this alone and couldn’t keep up with the mental and emotional damage of hurting others
  2. Finding the right ways to cope and learn to communicate with others in my life
    And 3. Acknowledge that even though I was having terrible mental health issues, I can choose how I interact with others and need to acknowledge any hurt I caused was a result of my choices. Yes those choices and actions get blurred and impacted by depression and anxiety, but saying a genuine sorry to people is a good step in the right direction also.

I know it’s not just an easy process. I still have days where I bite my partners head off, but over time it has become easier to acknowledge where the frustration and anxiety actually lie and to pick up on it quicker and communicate that with him.