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Why Suicide Makes Sense, And Why You Still Shouldn’t Do It

In this video, Dan talks to a Support Wall user who thinks that suicide might be a good choice to make:

If you have ever done something harmful to yourself to escape pain, welcome. You are indeed a human being. Pain and its effects are a part of life, and all of us experience it most days. If you’re living today, it means you’re doing so in defiance of the pain in your life - congratulations. You are here!

Dan begins his response to the user by thanking them. He recognizes that it took courage to post on the Support Wall. Even if this is a non judgmental place full of helpful people, posting about self harm or suicide can feel very vulnerable.

Like the user says, sometimes it can very much feel like no ones cares about us. It can feel like there aren’t many good reasons to live, or that nothing can feel worse than you already do. Many of these feelings come down to “If-Then” statements. Here are some below:
“If things stay the way they are today…”
“If I have to try this whole thing again…”
“If I’m going to fail anyways…”
“If I’m never going to be loved…”
“If I’m always going to feel this lonely, this sad, this empty, this hopeless…”
“If my life is always going to be this painful…”
Then there’s no point in living anymore

Here at HeartSupport today, we want to challenge those ifs. They’re not true.

What if that’s not the way things are always going to be?
What if one day soon all the pain you’re feeling will have a purpose?
What if a year from now, two years from now, you’re at the best place you’ve ever been?
What if you stick this through and your dreams come to life?
What if things just don’t always stay this bad?

In Nate’s blog here, he talks on how self-harm or suicide can feel like it makes sense, and why you still shouldn’t do it. He reminds us all that even if every day we go outside and see rain clouds, there is a blue sky just behind them. The storm will pass.

Deeper Questions:

  1. Have you ever felt so much pain that you resorted to other harmful activities to try and make it go away?
  2. What’s your If___then statement for seeking a way out? (For example: If I don’t have any friends, then how will I ever find love anyway?
  3. Write out the remainder of that sentence for yourself. Use that to fuel your hope, because it’s true.

While I’ve never self-harmed or contemplated suicide, I’ve definitely run to things that give a quick jolt of escape, only to circle back to the darkness again. When I was younger, alcohol and the approval of my friends were my drugs - and I became someone who I really wasn’t so that I didn’t have to deal with actually being me. It’s easier to get day drunk than it is to be who you were created to be. Much easier.

For this exercise today, I’ll use the COVID pandemic we all find ourselves in to illustrate what I’m struggling with.

Questions:

  1. For the quarantine, things that I’m putting time and effort into seem so pointless. It feels like I must wait until this all blows over to go outside and be effective. So, the pain of not getting to do exactly what I do has led to me taking to escape. For a week or so, I didn’t put in good time at work, and when I did it was half-assed. Escaping is harmful, because it allows our responsibilities and needs to pile up, and they definitely don’t go anywhere!
  2. My If-Then statement is: If this quarantine is going to keep me inside, then what’s the point of trying? Nothing matters right now.
  3. But what if the quarantine doesn’t keep me inside?! Oh yea - THE INTERNET. That’s right- my voice has the power to travels all across the earth in the blink of an eye. I’m not stuck inside, I can do good things. I can encourage. And so here I am, writing Support Wall posts because Nate asked me to, and encouraging someone out there. That’s pretty great, and it obliterates the negativity for me.