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Why suicide makes sense and why you still shouldn't do it

I had three friends in the same season disclose their desire to commit suicide or attempt it themselves. After working through the emotional pain, I realized something beautiful: they’re not crazy.

Most people quickly dismiss someone’s desire to end their life, but one of the most important things you can hear in that time is this: what you’re feeling makes sense.

And in the next breath, it’s important to hear: you still shouldn’t do it. You deserve to feel the sun shine on your face from the clear skies that are up ahead of this storm.

Read this blog and then answer the questions below. I think it’ll not only validate the place you’re in but generate hope to help you move through it.

“If things are going to keep being this way, I just…I don’t know if I can…”

Over six months ago, he ended up in the hospital, and he’s been there since. His health has been dripping out of him one day at a time, and no one had any answers for him. He was fine one day, and he was bedridden the next. He was planning a meaningful future for himself, and then he was planning how to stay sane today.

I could hear the life exhale out of him with every word he spoke. He was exhausted.

Every day he was alive meant pain. It meant undelivered promises from doctors. It meant trying to drown the silence in his fluorescent hospital cubicle. It meant loneliness that clawed at his soul. He wanted someone to be with him in this journey, but he didn’t have the patience or the stamina to endure it himself. He didn’t know what to do or who to turn to. It all started to add up, and suicide sounded like a better answer than living a life full of pain and void of hope.

And to be honest, it made sense .

“My life feels so overwhelming…I just want to give up…”

She was brilliant. You could see the light in her eyes. She was someone who got it. But she was struggling. She felt like it was never enough because she was taught perfection is the standard. Up against the hardest series of exams she’d yet to take, fear of failure overwhelmed her, so she tried to run. She let her homework pile up, her projects go incomplete, her studies go unlearned. The more she ran from it, the more overwhelming it became. Waves of shame and fear flooded her life, and she felt paralyzed. Getting out of bed, facing her day, sitting through her classes — it all felt more than she could handle. She was ignoring her friends, brushing off her parents, and locking herself in her room. That felt like the only place she could keep the avalanche of worry out, but every day it knocked harder. She was stuck in a downward spiral, and with the exam looming only weeks away, she didn’t know if she could make it.

She couldn’t imagine what life would be like when she went to the exams and didn’t know any of the answers. She would blush, she would cry — she couldn’t do it. She would fail, and everything she’d worked for over the past twelve years would leak through her fingertips like an evaporated dream. Everything she’d planned for her future was riding on this success, and she was days away from losing it all. She didn’t want to face it. She wanted out.

As I listened to her and her story, I realized everything she said and felt made sense.

Working at HeartSupport, I’ve heard story after story of people contemplating suicide. Relationships ending, futures fading, addictions spiraling, depression blooming — there are a million different stories, and while they all sound different, they all have two things in common: the first is to that person, at that moment, suicide makes sense.

If you put yourself in their shoes, if you feel the overwhelm of emotion, if you feel the numbness of loneliness, if you feel the fear of their everyday existence, if you really get it , it all makes sense. If their life today is the way their life is always going to be, I’d be thinking the same thing too.

If you’re in that place today, I want you to know one thing for sure: you’re not crazy . Life, in the place you’re at, is the worst it’s ever been. It feels like too much, and it sucks every day you’re in it. You’re not crazy for dreaming of ways to end the pain.

The second thing that every suicide story has in common is that it starts with a conditional statement. (If ___, then ___.)

“If things stay the way they are today…”
“If I have to try this whole thing again…”
“If I’m going to fail anyways…”
“If I’m never going to be loved…”
“If I’m always going to feel this lonely, this sad, this empty, this hopeless…”
“If my life is always going to be this painful…”
Then there’s no point in living anymore .

Suicide doesn’t start as the surefire strategy you’re going to employ when one thing went bad. It starts with a conditional statement, a thought that it’s an option if things stay this bad. And it ends when someone concludes that statement is the truth, and they decide to follow through.

But…

What if that’s not the way things are always going to be?
What if one day soon all the pain you’re feeling will have a purpose?
What if a year from now, two years from now, you’re at the best place you’ve ever been?
What if you stick this through and your dreams come to life?
What if things just don’t always stay this bad?

From what I’ve experienced, everyone who allows life the chance to get better finds that it does .

The secret to sticking it out has to do with your focus. When you walk outside, looking up at the sky, it feels like every day there’s a dark cloud thundering above you. Every day is a storm. And there’s no promise of it ever leaving. It’s been here for so long — it feels like maybe this is all there is and all there’ll ever be.

But what you’ve forgotten is that behind the biggest cloud, the wildest storm, the darkest day is a blue sky.

For a season, you might be in the middle of this storm, but it will pass. Zoom out from your life, see the blue skies, and remember that it’s coming. Set your focus on the clear days to come. Because those days are coming…to you. And you deserve to see it.

You can make it to better weather. You can see hope become a reality. You’ll see the clouds fade and the sun break through. You’ll feel warm light on your skin again. You’ll remember how to smile, how to laugh, how to have joy. Your time is coming. It’s just on the other end of this storm. You can make it .

Forecast says there’s clear skies ahead.

Questions to Answer:

  1. One of the things I realized was present for my friends was the very real desire to stop the pain they were facing. Suicide offers a false hope that pain will end. (What is ending pain worth if it takes you with it?) What are two pieces of pain that you want to end?
  2. A better way to frame this pain is to say, “I want to live without [this pain].” For both of the statements you made above, write them again with “I want to live without” before that statement.
  3. After you name the pain you want to live without, it’s also important to name the things you want to live for. The taste of warm coffee on a cool morning, the breeze on a warm summer day, the smile of a friend or loved one, laughing, riding a bike, sitting in a hammock, feeling carefree, enjoying something that makes you sweat, drinking ice cold water afterwards, etc. There are beautiful parts of life, and focusing on the things that we’re looking forward can fill our sails with hope in moments we need a gust of encouragement. I want you to write down 20 “I want to live for ___” statements.

You have a lot to live for. You have a lot of people who love you. The people in this community count themselves among the lucky ones who believe in you. You matter. You are irreplaceable. Your life has so much joy left in it, and the hope of what’s to come can sustain you through this season of pain.

Hold Fast. We Believe in You.

5 Likes
  • feeling worthless; feeling like a failure
  • I want to live without feeling worthless. I want to live without feeling like a failure.
  1. I want to live for the laughter of my kids
  2. I want to live for the smile of my wife
  3. I want to live for the thrill of riding my otorcycle
  4. I want to live for the satisfaction of helping others
  5. I want to live for the pride in completing a workout
  6. I want to live for jokes with my friends
  7. I want to live for game nights
  8. I want to live for crisp, cold beers
  9. I want to live for seeing my brothers find hope and faith and healing
  10. I want to live for really awesome music
  11. i want to live for amazing Jon Bellion concerts
  12. I want to live for reading books by the fireplace
  13. I want to live for adventures with my family
  14. I want to live for really tasty tacos and fajitas
  15. I want to live for epic bass lines
  16. I want to live for beautiful poetry
  17. I want to live for serene time on a creekside
  18. I want to live for the moments when I let go of everything and just relax
  19. I want to live for picnics on a blanket in the warm sun
  20. I want to live for the triumph of overcoming
5 Likes
  • feeling unlovable; feeling not good enough.
  • I want to live without feeling unlovable. I want to live without feeling like I’m not good enough.
  1. I want to live for the people in this community who look up to me.
  2. I want to live for the future that I know includes love.
  3. I want to live for the joy I get from streaming.
  4. I want to love for dinners with my family
  5. I want to live for hugs from my family and friends.
  6. I want to love for the music I make.
  7. I want to live for the joy I get at church and from my friends.
  8. I want to live for moments at my favorite coffee shop.
  9. I want to live for reading books on the beach.
  10. I want to live for the kids I want to have someday.
  11. I want to live for pasta carbonara
  12. I want to live for work trips, especially festivals.
  13. I want to live for new music friday.
  14. I want to live for the joy I get from teaching a good spin class.
  15. I want to live for the adrenaline from a good boxing workout.
  16. I want to live for the precious nighttime moments with my mom.
  17. I want to live for laughter with my funny friends.
  18. I want to live for 5sos shows.
  19. I want to live for hawaii vacations
  20. I want to live for all the people who love me.
4 Likes

@NateTriesAgain

  • Feeling unfulfilled. I’m not satisfy with my life.

  • I want to live without feeling unfulfilled. I want to live without feeling unsatisfied.

  1. I want to live for God.
  2. I want to live for my family.
  3. I want to live for my friends.
  4. I want to live for community.
  5. I want to live for life.
  6. I want to live for my dreams to come true.
  7. I want to live for my future wife.
  8. I want to live for music.
  9. I want to live for reading books.
  10. I want to live for running marathons.
  11. I want to live for love.
  12. I want to live for joy.
  13. I want to live for peace.
  14. I want to live for freedom.
  15. I want to live for my pets.
  16. I want to live for traveling.
  17. I want to live for good food.
  18. I want to live for people.
  19. I want to live for change.
  20. I want to live for myself.
3 Likes

1.) Feel worthless and not good enough. Feeling like I’m unlovable and undeserving.
2.) I want to live without feeling worthless and like I’m not good enough. I want to live without feeling like I’m unlovable and undeserving.

1.) I want to live for my partner
2.) I want to live for our future
3.) I want to live for my dreams of traveling
4.) I want to live for the family I have with my partner. (His family)
5.) I want to live for growth
6.) I want to live for the chance to overcome my battles.
7.) I want to live for this community.
8.) I want to live for making a difference.
9.) I want to live for the chance of seeing new things.
10.) I want to live for proving that it is possible to over come suicidal thoughts.
11.) I want to live for sharing my story.
12.) I want to live for my enjoyment of trying out new coffee shops!
13.) I want to live for the day I get to meet the Heart Support Family
14.) I want to live for spreading love, kindness and compassion. Because we need more of it.
15.) I want to live for sushi!
16.) I want to live for my love of books and reading more.
17.) I want to live for my baby brother who I havent had a chance to meet yet.
18.) I want to live for building an even closer relationship with my dad
19.) I want to live for laughter
20.) I want to live for those who I love. My friends.

3 Likes
  1. Feeling that I’m a mistake, that I shouldn’t exist.
  2. I want to live without feeling that I’m a mistake, that I have the right to exist.
  • I want to live for the people I love. My partner, my family, my friends. To honor them and the love I’ve been receiving in my life.
  • I want to live for sharing love.
  • I want to live for the possibility to heal.
  • I want to live for the possibility to build a family.
  • I want to live for the books I want to read, the places I want to see, the hobbies I want to explore, the music that fills me with joy.
  • I want to live for all the smiles, laughs and joyful moments.
  • I want to live for what I believe in.
  • I want to live for my brother, to honor his memory and make him proud of me.
  • I want to live for doing the same hike him and I did a few years ago.
  • I want to live for the nature around us that is full of surprises.
  • I want to live for the day I’ll see northern lights.
  • I want to live for seeing and hugging my sister again.
  • I want to live for the day I’ll give a giant hug to HS members.
  • I want to live for all the moments I’ll feel alive.
  • I want to live for all the starry skies.
  • I want to live for the pleasure of gardening.
  • I want to live for my dreams, having a chance to reach them.
  • I want to live for the possibility to hug as many cats as possible. 8)
  • I want to live for all the wonderful artworks to admire.
  • I want to live for the return of bees during spring, the warm summer afternoons, the spectacle of trees during autumn, and all the comfy scarves and blankets during winter.