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Wife and I Separating

I’ve been going through a lot lately. My wife and I have been married over 5 years. We got married young, I was 20 and she was 19. During our marriage we’ve never had any major issues.
A few months ago we went through a “separation” which only lasted one day and she came back thinking she had screwed everything up and that I wouldn’t forgive her. Just before the separation she would say things along the lines of, “You’re such a great person and treat me so well and I don’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. - You love me so much and I don’t love you like you love me.”
Hearing these words has crushed me.

Last Friday I brought up the discussion of whether or not she wanted to stay together, since she had been quite distant like the time before our first separation. She told me that she doesn’t know what she wants and explained the way she felt again. She says she’s never been independent and been on her own and needs to figure out if staying together is really what she wants in life, since she never really got to experience being a young single independent woman. She has been dealing with anxiety and depression for the last 1.5 years. I’ve been trying to help as much as I can since I’ve gone through the same mental health issues prior to our marriage.

I went on somewhat of a tangent there. Long story short, we’ve agreed on another separation but this time at least 2 weeks long and up to however long it takes for her to figure things out for herself. However, we don’t have many places either of us can go in order to be separated so for the time being we are still living together, along with our 2 roommates (one of my friends as well as one of hers).
Since we don’t have a plan yet for our separation, it has been incredibly difficult to carry on through my days, especially at the house when she is also here. There’s so many things going through my head at a million miles a minute. I haven’t been able to sleep very well. My mental health is plummeting and I can see myself getting pulled down into the deep hole of depression I’ve struggled to get out of before.
I love her and can hardly think of living a life without her. However, I’m not holding my breath. I don’t see this ending with her deciding to stay together.
I’ve felt so alone recently. All of my close friends are not in the area and as I’ve started working a different location this year, I haven’t made many close friends at work.
I’ve been talking with a few people over the phone but it’s so tough going through this alone and I just feel so hopeless.

Hey

Honestly, reading this scares me. I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through. My husband and I have been married for two years, and we got married at the same ages as y’all. 19 and 20. This must be such a difficult journey for you. I would say, keep reaching out to those friends who are far away. Reaching out is better than nothing. I know it must be difficult not being able to hang with them in person or find any escape. I hope you make the local friends you need for the current and upcoming struggle. My heart is with you. I’m adding this to my list of things to pray about tonight.

It’s the hardest thing I’ve had to go through. I hope to rid these awful, twisted thoughts out of my mind soon. I am going to try and keep reaching out to my friends back home. I need the support right now. I keep finding myself alone and feeling lonelier than ever. She has been my best friend for so long and my one to always turn to.
I appreciate your reply and will do my best to keep my head up and mind right. Thank you.

Much love to you! I hope things turn around soon so you can start a new chapter.

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