Wife left a few months ago, really struggling to stay happy

[Thexraken22]

Basically as the title reads. Wife moved out a few months ago, feels like all I can think about is every broken promise, a whole life together gone, I feel like I never even knew her to begin with which has left me feeling very disassociated and depressed.

Logically I can understand the process and I can understand that it gets better but that does not help right now during the midst of feeling this extreme loneliness.

Not to sound dramatic but I started to realize that my mental health is declining and I am now fighting to keep my head above water. This is the kind of battle that breaks people.

[SRivs]

Hey Thex! I am so sorry you are going through this. It is certainly natural and more than valid to be feeling the way you are feeling. It’s so difficult to see into the future and how great it can be, when the present just hurts so much. However, I am glad that you are holding onto your understanding that things can and will get better. Another perspective I would like to offer, is to look at this as a fresh new start. When one chapter of our life ends, a new one begins. Of course, “starting over” after a divorce is understandably scary, and painful, at first. However, I encourage you to start finding joy in things you might not have been able to do before when you were married. Is there a hobby you’ve always wanted to explore, but never did because of the financial or time commitments of marriage?

As for your mental health, divorce is a really heavy thing and there are many therapists out there who specialize in divorce. Having someone to talk to and provide you with support during this difficult time could certainly do you some good, too.

I also noticed that this is your first time posting on the forum, WELCOME! I look forward to reading your future posts and hearing how your journey is going. We are all here for you!!

[mishsim]

Hi @Thexraken22

So sorry to hear you are going to this transition in your life. I can’t imagine how much pain you’ve been through so far. You are totally allowed to feel bad when something bad happens. Please give yourself some grace. But at same time perhaps it is time to find some change in what you are doing day to day if you are feeling like stuff is not improving over time.

What kind of help have you gotten so far? If nothing at all, maybe start small with your normal GP/doctor office and discuss referrals for in person help. There’s no shame in seeking medical help/mental help to get through this tough time. I personally have taken antidepressant/antianxiety medicine to get me through a very stressful time in my life and it helped me when I needed it. Counselling and Therapy are both good as well, to help you work through some pretty challenging emotions.

What is your day to day routine looking like? It could help a lot to have something with structure while you are going through all this stuff too. Even if you don’t feel like it, make sure to take care of your self too. A little bit of walking or light exercise can help a lot if you are not already doing that.

I don’t want to assume too much about what it’s like on your side of the screen, but please feel free to reply to my message here and I will get back to you when I can. I know sometimes folks just want to vent, but please know we all are happy to reply back as well if you had more on your mind.

Welcome to the support wall! <3/Mish

[Lisaw1973]

Hey @Thexraken22
Welcome to Heartsupport, Thank you for posting here, I am so sorry that your wife moved out and that your marriage ended a few months ago.
I have not had the experience that you are having now as I have not been married but I think when a divorce takes place its not disimilar to a death, I genuinely feel that you are grieving the loss of a the life you had with you wife and it takes time to get past that and that will most likely happen in stages and right now you sound like you are feeling a little angry about how you treated and thats ok, I think you need to get past that to get to the next stage.
Loneliness is a horrible feeling and one that I do not wish on you, you are welcome here anyime, I understand that physically we are not with you but we are here for you and we have streams where you can chat with other people, they are really interesting to come to,ill put the link at the end of this post. Id love to see you there. Also I wonder if therapy might be an option for you? its entirely your choice of course for all of this.
would love to bump into you on heartsupport twitch chat. dont forget you can post here whenever you like. You are loved and you matter. Lisalovesfeathers. xx

[twixremix]

hey thex,

first off, i want to welcome you into the heartsupport community! thank you for joining the forum and for feeling comfortable to share what you’re going through. it’s understandable how disassociated and depressed you feel after your wife left. that is a truly heartbreaking and traumatic event to happen in anyone’s life so please know you aren’t alone and that you have every right to feel the emotions and feelings you’re experiencing.

from what you’ve shared, it sounds like you are aware of how time does heal some of the wounds you’re facing. but you’re right, we are currently in the present day and we must face the experiences that are still so raw. do you have anyone (friends, family members, neighbors, co-workers) that you could lean on to maybe ask to check in on you every now and then? having an accountability partner is a really helpful resource when you can sense your mental health dipping, and having someone who understands your entire circumstance will open the door for someone to be your shoulder to lean on. while you can always lean on your heartsupport community and make a wall post whenever you need to vent, there’s something so impactful about having someone you know closely be there to check in on you.

these battles do tend to break people. but i know that even if this situation cracks away at you, you will rise above and conquer it all. until then, take things day by day. remember your own value as a person, as an incredible human being that helps shape this earth. and never forget how loved you are by so many, even people who are reading your post going through the same thing and finding strength in knowing they aren’t alone. be easy on your mind and heart, i look forward to hearing from you soon.

love,
twix

[DustintheWind]

Hello, Thexraken22, and welcome to the HeartSupport community

Breakups and divorces are so difficult. It is truly like grieving a death and it will take time. I know you say you know it is a process but I felt like reminding you. I think the best thing for you to do is to focus on the relationships you do have. Focus on your friends and family. Let them be there to support you through this transition.

You don’t sound dramatic saying that this is affecting your mental health. That is a completely logical and common thing to happen. It doesn’t mean it isn’t sad or unfortunate that it is happening but it is 100% valid to have this change in your life and this feeling of loneliness causing you to feel lost.

I hope you manage to keep your head up and I hope you remember that you are not alone. At the very least we are all here for you and to support you. I hope you post again and continue sharing with us. Good and bad we are here for all of it. Keep swimming
-eloquentpetrichor

[Sita]

Welcome in, I’m so glad you found us.

When my mother passed, one of my friends was going through a divorce, and quite frankly, the grief was the same, the loss was almost identical. In some ways, their loss was worse because their ex still existed and was around still. It’s a hard position to be in, and my heart aches for you in this time.

Grief is a sneaky bastard. I’d say this is one of those times when you have to reach out to your support system and let them know how you’re truly feeling, and how your struggling. Get professional help too to help you go through this grief and loss. You aren’t being dramatic at all, this is very much a painful time for you.

Thank you for the trust you’ve shown in us by sharing here. Please keep posting here as often as you need to help you through this. We will forever be here to support you, to listen to you, or just to quietly sit with you as you go through the process of letting time do its job and help dull the pain. This is indeed the kind of thing that can break someone, I’m so glad you recognize this too. If you need the extra support, please do reach out. Don’t isolate yourself, don’t try to go through this alone! We’re here for you. Please take care of yourself, friend. Looking forward to hearing from you soon, let us know how things are progressing.

You are loved and you matter.
And I’m glad you’re here with us.

[Taladien]

Hey Thexraken22,

What you are going through cannot be easy. I’ve had my share of heartbreak, and yes, it does get easier as time goes on. But there is a lot of healing to be done as that time goes on. And that doesn’t have to be done alone.

I hope you’ve looked into outside support for this. You are going through a very, very difficult situation right now. Talking to a doctor, therapist, or counselor while you go through this very, very difficult phase is something I encourage you to look into. You acknowledge that this situation is very hard, and breaks people. Please be kind to yourself, and seek the support to keep you from that breaking point.

And, if you’d like, let us know how you are doing. We’re here for you, and I’d love to keep up with you and your journey. You are loved, friend, and you matter.