Will It Ever Even Out? pt 2 TW: SA/rape, Abuse, SI, hospitals

Hi everyone. I was encouraged by @Megs_26 to share my emotions and experiences when im ready, so… here we are.

My entire life has pretty much been a mess. I have an abuse father (physical, emotional, mental, and sexual) that I had to live with until I was 10. I remember when i was about 5 he would stand me in front of a mirror any time i cried and tell me how ugly i was when i cried, so that i should put on a fake smile.

When i finally got away from him, life seemed pretty great for a while. It wasnt until i was 12 that things started happening again. My best friend (female) had asked me if i wanted to make stories with her. Being a kid i said yes. She quickly turned them much more mature. She kept going on and on until it was classified (by the police) as sexual abuse. I had gotten suicidal because of it, but no one really took me seriously.

Six months later i was not mentally stable, whatsoever. I started rebelling. I got snapchat when i knew i wasnt supposed to have socials. I became friends with this one guy and we started hanging out alot. But evidently he wanted more from me. I was raped by him 6 times.

I was admitted to a mental hospital for 6 months and have been going to trauma focused therapy ever since. Life has been full of small ups and downs since then, until a week ago when i was with a group of my new friends. They were some of the nicest people ive ever met and it felt like a really big win for me… until i met this one guy. He took advantage of me in movie theater bathroom. It just feels like things will never even out.

Please- i just need advice and support on where to go from here

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Hey @RedRain,

Thank you so much for reaching out here, through your different posts, and sharing so bravely your story with this community. You are so, so brave for putting words on your experiences as you do. What you have been through was highly traumatic and you never deserved any of this. I hope you know that none of this was your fault. Your dad, these “friends” and people who took advantage of you and hurt you - they are responsible of their actions.

About this guy you mention at the end of your post, if I understand well it happened recently. Have you got the possibility to talk about it to someone like an adult in your life that you trust? Are you also still in contact with this person?

On a different note, are you still on therapy?

I’m sorry because I’m aware these are a lot of questions. I’m only willing to understand more of your life context right now, so we here could guide you as best as we can. In any case, you have done a major step by sharing all of this and what’s on your heart. Not staying alone with it is so important. I have been subjected to others behaviors, abuse and sexual abuse in the past. I can assure you that what happened is not a dead end. Healing is possible, with the right people and the right help.

I don’t know if it would even out in the way you expect to, although justice is possible for what happened. And it starts with talking to people who could practically help you with all of this. Again, I’d love to hear how your support system looks like - if there’s any adult you can rely on right now and share all of this with. If not, we can try to see if some services could help you where you live and given your age, if you’d like to.

You are not alone. You’ve been incredibly brave for reaching out today. I’m sending tons of friendly thoughts and love your way. :hrtlegolove:

PS - I have deleted your post containing your age because as much as this community is safe, the information you share are still online, and we all want this space right here to be as safe as possible for you. :hrtlegolove:

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My support system i very small. I am in trauma therapy doing EMDR. Yes this was a event occurrence and he is still in my friend group. He’s been doing this to quite a few girls and we are all kind of bonding over it

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Yes this was a event occurrence and he is still in my friend group. He’s been doing this to quite a few girls and we are all kind of bonding over it

I’m sorry that this person is still in your direct surroundings. Are you all safe and making sure to stay away from him? This is definitely a priority.

I am in trauma therapy doing EMDR.

That is very positive and very brave of you to be on therapy. EMDR especially can be exhausting and intense. May I ask how has been your experience of it so far? Is therapy of a good support for you at the moment?

You are loved, @RedRain. Once again, thank you for your trust and vulnerability here. It means a lot and is not taken for granted. :hrtlegolove: