I am tired of being lonely and not having anyone to hang out or be friends with. Nearly my whole life it has been hard for me to make friends because I never was into the same things that everyone else was into. And when I feel like I have made a friend it usually doesn’t last for long and I am ultimately questioning myself thinking I did something wrong, I’m a loser, why can’t I be normal, etc… Then when I thought I had a good friend group it was going great until the person isolated me and was trying to control me and what I need to do with my life. I cut that person out completely because I realized I don’t need them and I do not need toxic people in my life. That person also told everyone else in that group lies about me and as a result they stopped talking to me. Since then I have focused on fixing my life and trying to better myself which slowly I am. I just wish I had someone to talk and hang out with and be into some of the things that I am into it. I hate being by myself all the time. I swear the only thing that is helping me keep my sanity is skateboarding. I have no idea how to describe it but it is one of the very few things in life that helps me when I feel low and I know will always be there. I even wish I had a friend who is just as passionate about it as I am. I keep telling myself that things will get better and that I will make friends who will see me for me and accept me for who I am. It just sucks being sad and lonely all the time.
First of all… I would say, well done on managing to cut the ‘toxic’ people out you’re life. Realising that this is the case, and being able to recognise this and take the first step to improve the situation is a massive thing <3, so well done on this.
What I’ve always thought, is that there is someone out there just like you. I used to be in the same situation as you. I was the kinda… different one, maybe, at school. Never really fitted in, never really felt comfortable and that my ‘friends’ were always there for me, and that they weren’t just in it for their own gain. I was always told that “oh you’ll find people that you get on well with”, but I didn’t really believe that.
Then I went to uni, and realised yeah, there is a world out there. I don’t know what stage of your life your at, whether it be school, college, uni, or way past that, but I what I do want to say is this: There are 7.7 billion people in the world. There are people out there that are just as amazing as you. That love the same things you do. That cherish the same things as you do. It’s just a matter of finding them.
For me growing up, my best, and true friends were online. I found them in online communities, around games online, and they have become some of my best, in real life friends. I’ve known some of them for 8 years now. We’ve supported each other through thick and thin, through everything life has thrown at us, despite them being half the world away. The point of me saying this is that there are so many ways of meeting amazing people. Online communities. Groups in your town/city. Your love of skateboarding is such an amazing thing. You could find some groups on Facebook, and try and go along to them. I know doing that is so hard, but if you’re able to, it’s such a good way to meet like-minded people.
Most importantly… never stop being you. You are an amazing human being. You are unique. You are special. You are perfect the way you are. Never change the way you are or how you act just to try and please someone else, because although in the short-term it may be better, in the long run it’ll just damage you, and it is not worth it.
Thank you for posting, and if I can help at all, please ask. I see you’re a health science student - I’m studying biology, so if you want to just chat, about anything at all, please let me know. Stay positive <3
Hello,
First, I’m sorry that you have been feeling so isolated for so long. The longing for companionship and understanding is something that we all understand at some point, and you deserve people in your life who would treat you with the care that you deserve. I am also sorry that you have had to meet such toxic people. But I am glad that you were brave enough to let them out of your life, and begin the road to self-improvement-- that is an incredibly huge step, and we are all proud of you for that. I am also glad that you have an outlet for some of these feelings: skateboarding is a wonderful way to get some of that sadness out.
I believe that everyone is able to find “their people” at some point. And it sucks to have to constantly look for friends, to be waiting, and seeing other people happy and not be able to feel that for yourself. But I genuinely believe that you sound like a good person, and that you will be able to find good people who will want to care about you the way everyone deserves to be cared about.
I suggest continuing to pursue your own passions (skateboarding and anything else that makes you genuinely happy). There is definitely a community out there of all kinds of people that are passionate about the same things, and they’d love to have you. It may sound cliched, but since you have focused on bettering yourself, you will find slow but steady improvements in your life and eventually find good people worth being with. Just take it slow; know that friendships are hard to find for everyone, but most people would love to get to know your genuine self. Get outside, join forums for things you love, join clubs or volunteer, etc, and you will definitely find more interaction with people.
Stay strong. Much love from us all.
@McI Thank you I appreciate it. Online friends is okay and gives me people to talk to, just have to work on doing it offline. That’s cool that you are studying biology what are you hoping to do in biology? I am hoping to go into healthcare, specifically emergency medicine (I guess the aderlaine rush came from skateboarding lol) but you’re right it is better that I cut the toxic people out of my life because I know I will be feeling worse than what I am. Thank you again for responding
@gracylveon I definitely plan on continuing skateboarding it has been the one constant in my life and at times has been my antidepressant. I could be having the worse day ever but as long as I can go skate I’m okay. I get that it takes time and I have to be patient but I know I’ll get there. I thank you and appreciate you responding.
I am hoping to go into research, ideally cancer research. I’m doing molecular genetics with a focus on computational biology and modelling at the minute, because I really like combining programming and biology, and it’s really a massively expanding field 
Emergency medicine is a really awesome thing to want to do, and a very respectable thing, so well done on that! Its lovely to see how much you want to help others and I’m sure you’ll be amazing at it.
Hi mufcninja,
Glad you got out of a toxic relationship. It takes time to find good friends, but there’s so much time for you to take control and start feeling less alone. At work so I was only able to skim, but I think I’m in a similar boat (except I have a circle that can only meet up 2-3 times a year). Here’s what I’ve learned to help get me thru the dark.
First step is putting yourself in settings where it’s easiest for you to make friends, most welcoming to talk to new people, and like minded people you might get along with.
- Activity groups that encourage socialization
- Extended learning classes at local community college
- Game nights at local game shops
- School related activities (clubs, charity drives, art shows)
- Hobbyist shops w/ weekly meetings and multiple groups
- Skate club
- even doing fun things with family members
Second thing is to gauge your audience and read the context. What do they respond positively to? What loses their interest? I’ve found that people perceive my company as off-putting when I’m really in a pit and not in the right mindset to socialize. Prep yourself mentally, keep banter appropriate, and let conversations emerge naturally. Return to home base when you start feeling drained.
Third step is to find out what you want in a friend. It sounds like you already have an idea of who you don’t want as a friend. That’s a good place to start. Narrow down what you’re looking for, or make a list! You feel passionate about X, so find like minded people who share the same level appreciation. It takes time but there are plenty of good people out there. Just find those who are workin thru their own emotions in a healthy way, so the relationship won’t become a toxic one.
Final step is to be patient. Remember to avoid putting pressure on others to take your hurt away. I’ve pushed people away when coming off as too needy, but I’ve also learned to show others I’m OK despite being in pain… ease into taking about the hard stuff, and keep things as lighthearted as possible. Helps budding friendships. Maybe follow an 80/20 rule… 80% fun and casual, 20% hey I need advice or just someone to listen to me vent.
@McI That’s awesome that you want to do cancer research I think it take a strong person to study Oncology and to go into research. Hopefully I can help others and be able to help in hectic situations.
@friendlymane Thank you for responding. I think the easiest place for me to make friends are probably skate parks since skateboarding has been my main outlet. I am trying to look into groups of other interests and hoping it will work out. I try not to be negative and I try not to come off as awkward (easier said than done sometimes) I think what I look for in a friend is similar interests but I can pretty much talk to anyone. I also have to be patient and let it take its course and realize if it is meant to be great and if not then okay keep trying.
Good luck, ninja. It’s awesome to see you let your feelings out but still remind yourself that you’re OK.
I’d say to just keep finding ways to re-encourage yourself when you’re not seeing results, like reaching out or journaling, going for a walk, cleaning or cooking a food you love in a meditative way. Focusing on accomplishing one thing lets your mind reflect & organize itself. I like brain dumping in a gnarly poem to remind myself of my telos–helps me get through discouragement/social snags.
I also like talking to new people! For me, I’m drawn to it because I feel there’s nothing to lose. It’s weird, sometimes I feel like I can say anything to a stranger versus someone I’ve known for a while, because there’s no emotional entanglements.
Quick personal anecdote–I tried fitting in as a skater in middle school. Kids were brutal. I haven’t been to a skatepark in over a decade, so I have no idea what the current vibes are. I see Braille Skate, Mullen, Hawk, etc as very welcoming role models focused on the art of skating and not image-obsessed like those 7th graders, haha. Hope you find good people like that!
Feel free to PM anytime, brother (or sister).
-David
Thank you I appreciate it. I think journaling is cool, it helps to get my mind off things and gives me an outlet if I can’t skate or no one is available to talk. Not too familiar with “Brain Dumping,” I am open to trying that.
Sometimes skateboarding can be brutal but for every one person that is a jerk there is always that one person who is cool and doesn’t judge. Most of the time it is chill. It more or less is, “If you are cool with me I am cool with you.” I think with Braille Skateboarding it is helping because their mission is to get everyone skateboarding. You’re never too old to start skateboarding again the one indoor park I frequent there are people in their 30s and 40s starting out and learning how to skate.