Hi folks. I’m back again after my escort/porn post. Here’s my problem. Since I hired an escort 4 weeks ago, I went a week looking at porn. Now I haven’t looked at porn or hired any escorts(thank God) in 2 weeks. Now I have this overwhelming feeling of loneliness. In this time I have prayed and read the Bible every day. It’s helped me a lot, but at the same time, I feel loneliness. Satan keeps tempting me to look at porn to cure this feeling, but I know that it will only make things work. I also have thoughts that others won’t like me. I’m currently in college and have a class where I am surrounded by females. I talk to them sometimes but I also have the thought that I shouldn’t talk to them because they probably won’t like me. Even though when I talk to them they seem to enjoy our interactions. All these thoughts drive me crazy and make me sad. So, any advice helps.
Thanks,
Moowno
Hey Friend,
Thank you for being so honest here and reaching out. I want to congratulate you for staying strong the past 2 weeks! That’s a huge accomplishment!! I can see how you could feel lonely after not having what you used to have in order to cope, but being without it truly is for the best because like you said, it will only cause more harm. Know that you are worthy of love and friendship even though you may feel others won’t like you. We love you and are so proud of the strength and courage you’ve had and know you will continue to have to work through this! I would encourage you to remember how long you’ve gone without all of that and tell yourself you can keep going. I know you can do this. We are here for you and believe in you. Stay strong friend.
Sincerely,
Hannah Rhodes
Hey there, thanks for sharing. It’s awesome to see that you’re staying strong in your convictions, and that’s something to take pride in. You’ve probably heard this, but the more you focus on Jesus the less you’ll feel the need to focus on temptations like porn. I know it’s a lot more complicated than that, but we’re here for you, we love you, and we believe in you. Cast out those thoughts that tell you people probably won’t like you, it’s unfair to yourself. You’re an awesome person and you’re capable of amazing things, and I have no doubt that the right person will see that in you at the right time. Timing is super important, be patient friend. Sorry my response was very random and cluttered haha.
Hang in there friend,
Jaden
Thanks Hannah, it’s a struggle at times. I know that over time I will heal and not need to worry about it. I have always heard that the first two weeks of withdrawal can be the hardest. Again, thanks for your support.
Moowno
Hey Jaden thanks for the support. Those thoughts are hard to deal with, but I know that Jesus and you people here at HeartSupport love me. Lately when I’ve had those thoughts I pray to Jesus to remove them. Thankfully he does and I am grateful. I think the girl issue will resolve itself once I break this addiction. Again, thanks for the support.
Moowno
Hey man, I’m really proud of you for taking steps to overcome this. It seems like you’re doing a great job. You’re turning down urges and temptations, as well as turning to God in the process to help bring you out of it. There is no way to get rid of temptations, so don’t ever feel guilty or horrible or anything for having them. The way you handle temptations and thoughts is what matters, and it seems like you’re doing a great job of handling them. The temptations will probably always be there, but they will get much better over time, and it will only become easier every day to overcome them. If you relapse somewhere down the line, please try not to hate yourself because that’s what Satan wants and it will just lead you right down the same path. If you slip, just try to reset and get back on your feet, and turn to God and ask Him for help. It’s okay, you’re human. But it seems like you’re doing a really good job right now. Just keep it up and it will get easier. There are a wide range of feelings that can come from withdrawals, like loneliness, but those will lessen too over time. You’re strong enough to do this with God’s help.
As far as the girls, I don’t know your exact situation but just try to be yourself. Not everyone will like you for who you are (no matter who you are) so don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Just be yourself, and try to accept it when people like you and when they don’t. You can talk to people even if they don’t like you, and if you learn that you don’t really want to associate with them or be friends with them that’s fine. If they do enjoy the interactions and you also do, then there’s no reason to stop. Try not to overthink things. Just be yourself and try to keep up the good work you’ve been doing of getting closer to God. It will help you be closer and more genuine with other people as well. We believe in you, man. You’ve got this!
Thanks Zleif, yea the temptations can be a pain. Nothing like lying in bed at 12 and having the urge. It’s keeps me from sleeping sometimes, but I can’t give in. I would hate to relapse but I know that I’m not perfect and it could happen. My goal is to grow my relationship with Christ. That way it’ll be harder for satan to tempt me.
You really have the right idea. And you’re not alone. I’m trying to overcome similar thoughts and feelings and temptations, and just talked with my therapist about it today. Also if you’re not going to counseling and it’s a reasonable option, I would suggest it. I just started going again a month ago, and just brought this stuff up two weeks ago, and it’s already noticeably helped. But either way, you’re really thinking about this the right way—working on getting closer to Christ and relying on His strength. I’m trying to do the same thing. I believe in you, and you’re not alone! You can do this.