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Words are killing me


#1

I wish I could just let go of the words people say. I’ve struggled through depression, anxiety, self harm , suicidal thoughts…and I’m in a much in a much better place mentally now. Or I was. I don’t understand how someone that is supposed to love me can drag it all up into my face to win an argument and say “how am I supposed to plan a future with you when you want to die “ and here I am almost at square fucking one again. I am a huge Linkin Park fan. And I got screamed at because “I must want to die because I listen to that dead man” And that right there is what is bothering me the most. When Chester died by suicide I struggled hard to keep it together. I know it sounds weird because I never met him but his music has played such a huge role in my life. And he was one person when things went dark I could say that there was still good people left in this world and it gave me hope. I know there are cruel people out there. I just didn’t know I was married to one.


#2

Hey friend,
sometimes people make mistakes with the words they say. But i want to let you know that you are loved. either way. There is still hope and good in the world around us, even if we can’t see it. I promise friend, it’s there. sometimes we just gotta look a little harder since bad news in presented to us so easier and so much. But i promise there is good in the world and there is good in your life.
It’s a good thing that you are here on this earth friend. You’re here for a purpose. You are so loved and so appreciated.
Keep moving forward, you’re doing so great. And if no ones told you, i’m proud of you. :slight_smile: God sees you and He is too :slight_smile:
praying for you.


#3

I’m sorry you had to go through that. Chester’s death was terrible news, especially for a big Linkin Park fan, and you should not feel ashamed or embarrassed or weird about having feelings.

At the same time, people are not perfect, and it’s possible that those words spoken to you were a mistake. It doesn’t make it right, but everyone screws up from time to time and it’s possible forgiving this person might help you move on from it. It’s not always easy to do, but it might be helpful in the end (didn’t mean to type a Linkin Park song title but hey that’s cool).

Just please know that here you are loved and we care about you. You are part of this community, and we’re here with you. You’re not alone.

I’m sorry you had to go through this, again, but sometimes the things that are hardest for us to cope with provide us with the greatest amount of growth and healing. I’m praying that you find some hope within this. You can do this. We believe in you <3


#4

I’m so sorry friend. Proud of you for reaching out. I’m also a huge Linkin Park fan and so are many of my friends, but that doesn’t mean they want to die. My dad screams at me about everything, blames me for my mother nearly dying when I was born, I understand how it feels to be screamed at by someone who is supposed love you no matter what.
Have you looked into ReWrite? It’s a book around self harm with a journal in the back and has helped so many people. I know that it’s hard, but you need to try and portray to your partner how they’re making you feel. Whether that’s in a letter or in person. Tell them how they can help you if that’s what they need.
I’m sorry I can’t be of more help right now, but I hope that this helps you to feel less alone, and know you’re loved. There are good people in the world, and there are many of them here right now.

Hold Fast
Kayla


#5

@4everWarped333



#6

4ever. You are loved friend. It makes me angry to hear that someone who vowed to love you would talk to you that way. I’m not going to try to explain that. I don’t know what is going on with the person who is using cheap shots to either get a reaction, win an arguement or just to lash out. Usually there’s hurt on their end (totally not your fault) that’s at the root of that aggression. They feel in some way threatened. But that’s on them. It doesn’t justify them treating you that way. I know the struggle to push back against depression and anxiety and I know that sometimes you feel like you’re back at the bottom. If you’ve developed a system to work your way out before you can do it again. It may feel like you don’t know how but those feelings will lessen. It may take a few days, a week…but they will lessen. Perhaps couples counseling to address where your partner’s anger is coming from…if they aren’t willing to do that…well, then a hard decision may be needed. You don’t deserve that emotional abuse.


#7

I’m continuously blown away by the support I have experienced from this community. I’m so not usesd to discussing my struggles because pretty much all of my attempts have ended with betrayal or shame. I’ve moved on with just being silent because at least nobody can use my pain against me. But things have been eating at me over the years and thinking “someday I’ll feel better” has turned into a realization that someday may never come”


#8

Ugh…I posted that last reply before I was done😳. I just wanted to express my heartfelt gratitude for this organization and everyone I have encountered here. I’m not the greatest at communication when it comes to talking about my emotions. I’m going to keep trying though and I have HeartSupport to thank for that. From my very first encounter at Warped tour I have felt the genuineness in the care that is expressed. My heart was broken that day as I had just found out my brother had cancer and I was terrified I waited too long for the perfect moment to try to get back in contact with him or that maybe he just didn’t want to have the close relationship we grew up with. I wrote my story on the support wall on the top having no clue what exactly what was going to happen. I remember thinking it was funny making me, the short girl, stand on her tip toes to write on the top of the board. Later on as I walked by I looked at the board and was shocked because I had no idea about all of the replies . That and the hug and conversation I was blessed to have with Nate was a part of the spark of hope that has been part of my recovery. It’s definitely not a straightforward process and I thank you for making me realize that even though I may have setbacks it doesn’t erase the progress I have made.