Worst. birthday. ever

The title is a nod to the Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons.

Anyway, birthdays usually make me (more) depressed because they’re a stark reminder that I’m older and have accomplished nothing that I’m proud of. This birthday was pretty bad, on top of that feeling.

My birthday was officially Friday, and I spent part of the day cleaning and doing other chores before my parents came over for dinner. My wife got home from work and complained that I didn’t clean enough or properly. Shortly after, I had to drive to pick up my mom who lives about 30 minutes out of town (so, about an hour’s worth of driving right there). They ordered takeout but I really didn’t feel like eating.

Our preschooler had a good day but a long day, and was getting really cranky after dinner, and had a bit of a meltdown. I expected this would happen, and normally it wouldn’t bother me too much but I had already had a depressing day full of shit I didn’t want to do, on what was supposed to be the one day I get to do what I want. So, they leave and our little guy goes to bed.

Next day, I’m doing yet another chore list and errands because my wife’s sister is visiting. She has a child with significant behavioural issues (the doctors say he’s autistic and may have other things going on too). I know it’s not the kid’s fault, and when they get there, he’s playing with our son very nicely and being pretty good. A couple hours later, maybe he got tired/overwhelmed/whatever, but he deteriorated and tripped our son while playing outside. He wasn’t injured, but he screamed and cried as if to say “why did you do this to me? I thought we were friends!”

So, shortly after that, they had to get going home, and it was a nightmare getting him to cooperate and get into the car. Our son is very friendly and caring, and we wanted him to say goodbye but not see the outbursts, since it would probably upset him (he literally asked us why he was so angry). Again, I know he’s not doing it intentionally but the whole thing was stressful.

Day after that, my grandmother wants me to come for a birthday dinner with all our immediate family there. I develop horrible abdominal pain on the way over, which persists for over an hour before getting better. Then, our son’s older cousin does his damndest to get him to misbehave and get in trouble. To top it off, I get bitched out by my wife for something beyond my control, when I was only trying to help.

You know what I really wanted for my birthday? A nice, quiet day where I could just do whatever I wanted. I was already feeling bad, and this miserable weekend made it 100x worse.

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You don’t have to wait for your birthday to have a quiet day to yourself. This was kind of a busy weekend and you supported your wife and took care of your family. I respect you for that.

An idea could be to make plans for a day to yourself. Tell your wife you need this and I’m sure she’ll support you.

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hi @Benderstar ,

happy birthday, my friend. i’m sorry that your day was overshadowed by stress from your surroundings and others. while it may not take place on the same day, i hope you can still celebrate yourself in a more controlled, calm environment. the cherry on top is if you can communicate with your wife on an activity you’d like to do either with the family or solo (if you dig bowling, for a random example, you can dedicate an afternoon to visiting a local bowling alley).

i’m hoping with everything i’ve got that you can make-up your birthday on a different and perfect day. if i can also say, i think you have accomplished a lot of things worth being proud of, one of them being your awesome preschooler!

sending all my best to the whole family and that you are able to work with your wife to redo your birthday in a way that’s convenient for y’all as well as a good experience for you.

love,
twix

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From: theladywho (Discord)

Hey there, Benderstar, firstly let me wish you a belated Birthday. Second, wow can I say it sounds like you really went through the wringer this week and no wonder you are feeling rough. I sense reading from your post that you do a large portion of home/care responsibilities and everyone just assumed that you would handle everything, even though you were the one being celebrated. Recommend that you maybe sit down with your spouse and discuss a do-over or a me-day type of thing, where you can have some time to yourself or go out. Example have a sitter or daycare for a day and go out/work on hobbies/whatever. You need some mental rest and recovery even if it is not for “Birthday” at this point. p.s. wishing you patience with dealing with family/kids I know it’s a ton of work.

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Hi @Benderstar
Please allow me also to wish you a belated Happy Birthday Wishes.
Goodness me I am not surprised that your request was for only a quiet day, that really doesn’t seem like much to ask.
You have had a run of days where both your physical and mental limits appear to have been pulled in every direction, that is exhausting and is going to make anyone feel miserable especially at a time and on a day when you are meant to feel special, your birthday is “your day” and if we can’t do what we want on that day then when can we? right?
I am sorry you have had such a tough time, you do have a lot going on but you do need to also remember to take care of youself, a lot of people who care for others tend to forget about looking after themselves and that is so sad because they deserve it just as much, maybe even a tiny bit more, so make time, find a day, and enjoy doing the things you love with the people you love whilst making memories.
I wish you many many Happy Birthdays.
Much Love
Lisa :heart:

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