Hi, I have come with an issue that keeps evolving to be worse and worse overtime. Unlike a lot of girls at my age (16) I’m not worried about my looks, I think I look just fine. But I absolutely cannot stand my personality. I truly have the worst personality and I’m constantly trying to change it to be better but it doesn’t seem to work. I hate my personality so much that sometimes I cannot stand living with myself. I often think that maybe I’d be better of dead because of how annoying I am. A few months ago, I had attempted suicide because I couldn’t stand me and I wanted to be someone else, not me. I’ve been trying to get away from suicidal thoughts so I resort to cutting but now I have way too many scars on me and my parents are constantly upset. Now I’m an even bigger bother towards them. I also don’t have any friends because I keep pushing them away. I recently pushed away my best friend because I’m such a bother to him. He hasn’t said that himself yet but I know it’s how he feels; its how everyone feels. I don’t want to bother him or annoy him anymore so I apologized and stopped talking to him. He hasn’t tried to talk to me so I assume he’s in a much better position now; I’m glad I could get rid of his burden (me). I really miss him though, and now I am completely with no one and honestly horribly lonely. I cry everynight but I don’t want to talk to anyone cause I’ll spread the disease, which is myself. I don’t know what to do, should I start acting different or just end my life completely? Would the world be better without me?
First of all, thank you for sharing here and being open.
To answer your question right away, the world would lose one of its greatest if you would decide to go; so many people would miss you dearly.
I understand where you’re coming from, I had the same thoughts when I was your age, just with the addition that I hated everyone about me. But I did the same things, I pushed everyone away thinking it was best for them, but it hurt me so much. I cut myself and attempted suicide a couple of times.
Let me tell you, no matter what your thoughts are trying to tell you about yourself, if they are not “you are amazing the way you are” then they are lies.
I know it seems to you to be a relief for the world if you would die, but it’s not. I promise it is not worth it.
I know the thoughts and emotions that you’re experiencing and I know it’s not pretty, but it is possible to get through and out of this.
I know you don’t want to talk to anyone, but I would encourage you to tell your best friend how you feel and that you feel like you’re a burden, and I am positive he thinks otherwise.
You are amazing, loved, and fantastic.
If you need to talk, we are all here for you and I know that many of us here have been through the same.
We love you and we would be devastated to see you leave.
I see your hurt, and you’re not alone.
The world would NOT be better without you. I know that you are thinking that you are a burden on others and that they are better without you, but that is not true. Our minds can play tricks on us and cause us to think that people are bothered or burdened by us but those are not true. Your life and your presence are beautiful and your life matters. You are not a big bother. You are not better off dead. You are not a disease. You are unique and valuable and your life makes the world a better place.
It sounds like you need to make peace with yourself because you are great as you are right now, you just aren’t able to see it. I understand that it’s hard because I used to experience the same thoughts. You can get through this time and start to see yourself as the world sees you, which is fantastic. Really. It’s possible to get to that point but it may take time. It is worth it and your life is worth it! Stay strong