I am a 16 year old who feels like they have no purpose in life. I feel like I’m a very shallow person without any empathy or sympathy for others, and I feel like I’m not good enough. I used to play the cello, but I quit last year because I didn’t feel motivated to keep playing. I have continued to draw, but I don’t draw as well as I would like, and it stresses me out. However, even though I know I need to practice to get better, I just don’t, and I’m starting to lose motivation for drawing as well. I don’t participate in any extra curricular activities, I have average grades, and I have some acquaintances. I live a very boring life. But recently I’ve been very stressed out.
We have a dance coming up, and it’s a girl’s choice dance. I was very hesitant about asking someone to go because I don’t know that many people, and I feel like people don’t like hanging out with me. One day I decided to just ask on a whim, so I did. However, almost immediately I regretted asking because I felt that he wouldn’t want to go with me, and even though he would most likely say yes, he would only say yes because he doesn’t want to be rude. I don’t talk to this person very often, so I didn’t talk to him every day. In addition, I had just gotten his number recently because I was trying to get some people to hang out. But even though I had his number, I never texted him. But, one day I finally decided to talk to him about the dance because the group we would be going with was having their day date soon. He said that he would go, but I still felt really bad. The day date eventually came, and I was extremely awkward. I was generally fine during the activity, however before and after the activity (when everyone was talking) I just couldn’t do anything. The whole time I just stood there and didn’t say anything (literally nothing came out of my mouth). I wouldn’t say that I’m a quiet person most of the time, and for most cases I can make some small talk, but this time I just couldn’t do anything. I feel really bad because I feel like I’m making him have a bad time. Plus, the entire time we were out, he drifted towards another girl and couple, so we never really talked the whole time. I regret asking him. I wish I hadn’t done anything, then he wouldn’t have had a bad time. The dance has still not come yet, but I don’t think he’s looking forward to it and would rather have gone with someone else, and so I feel stressed and scared. I feel like I’m unworthy and shouldn’t be here. I wish I were someone else so he would have a better time. I wish I weren’t so pessimistic. I feel like I never know what to say to people, so I never know what to talk about. I want to change, but I don’t know how.
Hey grace,
I know it’s rough to be in this spot. I can relate as in having a similar personality. Honestly, I just put on the outgoing happy face for work but otherwise I stick to myself. You don’t have to be social to get by in life. Some people just arent built that way. My advice is to just keep going through your school life as best as you can and if you make friends or a relationship while you’re there that’s awesome too. Life is just stressful in general. Just keep yourself busy with your hobbies and try to have some fun in life. Hope this helps
-Trevor