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Worthless...not good enough

Hi all
Not even sure this is where I’m supposed to be.
I’m not even sure I should be doing this but I guess il find out.
Feels like my whole life has been wrong.
I don’t have a bad life but feel so useless in everything I do.
Took me years to realise people I thought were friends were just using me.
My wife and granddaughter adore me but life is missing I’m just not good enough for them or anyone else.
There’s so much in my head.,…feel so stupid for putting this down but I’ve been offered face to face and just can’t do it.

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Hi friend, This is absolutely the place to be because everyone here is understanding. It is not stupid at all to be honest about how you are feeling. It is brave. It takes courage to step up and say hey I’m not okay, I don’t feel okay. When we’re in that spiral it can be difficult to see the good and believe that we are good enough, that we have worth. Depression lies to us constantly, trying to convince us that we are not good enough and that hurts us. Face to face can be scary because it’s challenging to open ourselves up and be vulnerable, but the right therapist can help you work through this. They can help to give you the tools you need to cope, to self care, and to be honest about your mental health. It’s okay that you’re not feeling okay. There is hope and you CAN do it. It will take time and you will have good days and bad days and that’s alright. You do the best you can and take it one thing at a time, one day at a time. You’re not alone.

2 Likes

Hi friend,

First of all, yes, this is the place to be! Sometimes we all need a place to put our thoughts and our feelings. And here we have a family like community of people who can encourage you :heart:

Friend, you are not useless. I know sometimes life doesn’t always lay out how we thought it would and sometimes we look at ourselves and feel like we should have been more or done more. Or we beat ourselves up for not being better. I think sometimes we all judge ourselves too harshly.

I’ve been there. I can relate to feeling useless and I can relate to the struggle with friends and realizing those I thought were friends were not. It’s always a hard thing to process. Especially when you feel like you’re not good enough except for what you have to offer. Be it emotional support, money, transportation etc.

Friend, why do you feel you’re so useless? Why do you feel you are not good enough for a wife and granddaughter that obviously adore you? What is it that is making you come down on yourself so hard?

You are not stupid. Seriously, it’s good to just pour out the things that challenge our minds. It matters, you know? No matter how dumb you think it may be, sometimes we need to just release the things that fill our minds. Even to complete strangers.

I’m sorry that you are feeling so down on yourself right now. Why did this start? Where are these feelings coming from?

Let’s talk. Seriously. :heart:

  • Kitty
1 Like

Hi friend,

Welcome here! :slight_smile:
There’s not necessarily a place where you should be, but you are here and I’m glad to see you. As our friends said before, this community is a safe place to be, to rest. :heart:

It’s not easy to share about how we feel, it can be pretty uncomfortable, especially in a place that you don’t know yet. But you managed to post this message. So thank you for sharing. :heart:

As you said, it sounds that you were thinking - and feeling - deeply when you were writing this. I’m sorry, friend. That you’ve been feeling this. Like you’re not good enough, worthless, that there’s nothing right in your life. Those feelings and thoughts can be devastating. I’ve been feeling similar from time to time in my life, but also very recently. Like being stuck, empty, and carrying that huge weight on your shoulders… but feeling unable to get rid of it. It just grows and makes you think that you’re useless.

But most of the time, our feelings lead us to the wrong conclusions. And when we’re hurting, we can be tempted to look at our life as a whole thing. We can be very judging to ourselves.

Obviously we don’t know each other, but just with your message I can tell that your whole life hasn’t been wrong:

My wife and granddaughter adore me

That sounds to be a beautiful thing. To know that you have your family with you, that you are loved.
Friend, you don’t have to be [place the word you want here] enough for those who care about you. You are loved for who you are, not for what you could give to them. :heart:

But I understand that knowing this doesn’t change how you feel. I’ve been there so many times. Knowing that my life is not 100% awful, that I am loved, that I achieved some things, that I’m not the worst person on Earth… but still rejecting those facts because something has been missing. Just as you said:

life is missing

That makes sense, friend. And it’s painful to realize that maybe you’re seeking for something more, something different. Not for those you love, but for you, so you can be fulfilled in your life. But from an outsider perspective, I’d like to think that this can be an opportunity for you. Reflecting on how you feel, writing this message here isn’t stupid at all. It’s a first step, maybe like being at a crossroad, wondering which path to chose.

You said life is missing. I’d like to reserve that question: what is missing in your life? Do you have regrets about something? What could you add in your life to get a bit of your inner spark back?

Maybe you won’t find your responses right now. You may need some time to reflect on yourself, to think about it. But that’s okay. Take your time, friend. You may be a bit lost right now, not knowing what to do or where you “should” be, but you’ll find your answers. Sometimes, it helps to dive into this kind of reflections with someone else: your beloveds ones, a friend, or a professional (therapist/counselor). If you’ve been carrying those thoughts for a certain time now, then I’d like to encourage you to seek professional help, as it can really help you to regain some strengths and clear your mind.

You said face to face is not something you can do. I understand. It’s really scary. I too feel more comfortable with writing as saying personal things out loud makes me feel very nervous. But sometimes we also have to get a bit out of our comfort zone and take the best that comes from it. It wouldn’t harm you. But talking to someone has to be done in a safe environment and with someone who make you feel safe, who won’t judge you. And… what about using something you’d write to make them read it? I’ve been advised to do this and I personnally feel more comfortable with this idea. Not 100% of course, but it’s still something.

You can do this, friend. I’m rooting for you.

You are not alone. And you are absolutely not worthless. You’re life is not entirely wrong nor empty, even if it feel like this right now. Sending much love your way. :heart:

2 Likes

Thanks for your replies.
It means a lot just having someone take notice.
From being a child a was often told I was useless and could do nothing right.( Teachers,friends, parents).
Mother once told me years later that I was a mistake pregnancy so I’ve taken this to mean I’ve never meant to be hear which is why everything is wrong.
My wife days I put to much pressure on myself.
Everything I do has to be perfect and of course nothing is.
I think I do this because of everything I do is criticised.
Everything I do is wrong I was not meant to be here so if I wasn’t then there would be no need for people around me to be unhappy with me… their lives would be better without me [quote=“Worthless, post:1, topic:13383, full:true”]
Hi all
Not even sure this is where I’m supposed to be.
I’m not even sure I should be doing this but I guess il find out.
Feels like my whole life has been wrong.
I don’t have a bad life but feel so useless in everything I do.
Took me years to realise people I thought were friends were just using me.
My wife and granddaughter adore me but life is missing I’m just not good enough for them or anyone else.
There’s so much in my head.,…feel so stupid for putting this down but I’ve been offered face to face and just can’t do it.
[/quote]

3 Likes

I can relate closely to your relationship with your mother as my own had repeatedly told me that I was unexpected and not intended to happen. I would always hear how I kept her from being happy and no man would want her when she had children. There were even a couple times when I was a teenager that she expressed she wished she hadn’t had me.

So I understand the hurt of being a child and having your own mother tell you such hurtful things that can have an extreme impact on you. Especially at a young age. It hurts.

It’s understandable that you would fall into the habit of putting so much pressure and high expectation of yourself when you spent so much of your upbringing being criticized. To fall into the habit of feeling like everything needs to be perfect.

But the truth is, carrying such high expectations of ourselves is only putting a weight on us that is not necessary. You don’t have to be perfect all of the time my friend. You’re human and it’s okay to make mistakes sometimes. It’s how we grow and learn and mold into who we are. It’s natural for things to not always be perfect.

You said that your wife and granddaughter adores you. So it’s obvious you must do some things right. :heart:

And even so, no relationship is perfect. We all fault sometimes but that doesn’t mean you can’t do anything right or that you fail.

Friend, people are not better off without you. You being gone would not bring happiness. It would cause sadness for your family. You know? I do understand how feeling like you’re not doing enough could lead to feeling otherwise but it’s important to remember its not true.

Everything that you are feeling and have experienced is important and deserves to be heard. But try to remember my friend, our past does not define us. The words of those people who hurt you do not carry truth.

You are loved and cared for my friend. :heart:

1 Like