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Writing down the events from the past days

My past days were strange, to be exact. They were good but at the same time really awful as well. I got a break from my normal, boring everyday life. That was nice. But I cried. For the first time in god knows how long. I honestly couldn’t get myself to stop. I also fell back into the old habit of self-harm.
My parents said some things again as well.
They told me to ‘just’ open up with my therapist and that they just want to help me. The thought behind that is nice, but the way they said it to me wasn’t at all. I was also told, that no one cares, if I want to read something. How nice.

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Yeah, honestly, it can be such salty words when someone alludes to good intentions but delivers with what feels like the truer motive.

It can feel like such sweet relief to cry, to let all of the emotions out…but it can also be ammo for more self-shaming…same for self-harm…it can feel like a relief to the shame, but then is ammo for more shame…

And being away from your normal life can provide a welcome change of scenery, but then to have to come back to the same environment can be really difficult, knowing that the niceness of the world “out there” doesn’t match what you experience at home.

A lot of mixed emotions…

Honestly, I think getting out is so helpful because it gave you the chance to cry. You really do need to cry. You have so much shit going on in your world that when the emotion stays stuck inside of you it literally eats you alive. Crying is so healthy, and so good, and I’m honestly pumped that happened for you.

I hope that the therapist can help, and perhaps this is an area to funnel some of your hope. They may not be perfect, but it is an environment where someone is at least trying to care for your heart. And that is worth investing in. Your heart is worth investing in.

Thanks for sharing.