Wrote out my feelings. Want to see what you think

So it was suggested to me that I should write to my friend how I have been feeling. I took up on the idea and this is what I wrote what do u guys think. This is a rough draft kind of.

Hey Friend,

I just want to take a minute to express my thoughts and feelings. I feel like we have not been getting along the best lately. I feel that there might be some hidden feelings. I know that there have been alot of negative things being said about me around the community we are in. I also know I have not been the greatest lately.

I just want to say that it makes me very sad to see all this going on. I don’t want to be known as the bad person. I don’t want to be a bad friend. I want to be the best friend I can possibly be.

I have had alot of falling outs in the past. Every falling out had a different reason. But I have noticed that there was 1 cause that was very common. That cause was lack of communication. Because of this I feel communication is very important. I want us to be able to communicate to the other if there is a problem. I want to be able to talk it out and possibly work it out.

One thing that I really do not want is for our friendship to go down the drain. You are my best friend. I don’t ever want to even have to worry about possibly losing you. My life is so much better with you in it than it was bfor I met you. This friendship bond we have means so much to me.

-Your Best Friend

I didn’t put names bc I feel like this could help not only me but anyone else who is having issues keeping friends. But I wanted to get some opinions bfor I actually show this to him.

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You’re so thoughtful and this is so well written. It’s not easy to express yourself, and it’s not easy to be able to give someone the space to be able to open up if there’s been hurt or conflict.
The thing I love about writing things down is the space it gives the other person to get their initial reactions out and then being able to sit on how they really feel and how they really want to respond.

How are you feeling after getting all this down?

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I feel better and I also know how much he really cares about my feelings and needs. Plus I can tell how much he really wants to understand me. So that’s what’s making me 90% sure it might go well. But I’m also nervous about the strange 10% chance that it won’t…

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That’s totally understandable, we never know how others react to us or how they may take our words. I think what you have written is so genuine and kind. I know personally if I received that I would be really thankful that my friend took the time to try to tell me how they feel and that they wanted to make sure our friendship was safe.

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UPDATE: Everything went well I sent him the message we talked about it he said I am his best friend and mean the world to him and I am never going to have to worry about losing him and our friend ship is always going to be there. I am so relieved

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Save your conversation with him so you can refer back to it when you’re feeling insecure about things. It will help, trust me. I have copied nice things people have said to me because when they aren’t around, I get insecure and sometimes my mind likes to make up stories about why they aren’t around. It’s usually negative and if I let it get out of hand, I end up thinking the person or people hate me. I remember how the love feels in the moment when they are there, but when they are gone, I can’t remember the feeling and I spiral.

This is called object permanence and its something that people who have abandonment issues struggle with. It is the understanding that objects/people continue to exist even when they cannot be seen, touched, or sensed in some way.

It’s like the game peek a boo. Even tho you can’t see them, they are still there and nothing has changed.

When you message your friend and they don’t respond soon after, thoughts of being abandoned enter and consume. Having things to remind you of your friendship and how strong it is would be very helpful to you.

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@Mystrose I only wish I had that phone conversation on recording… It’s always so awesome just to hear how much I mean to him as that’s something I never got bfor meeting him. I just wish I could hold on to those feelings and keep that playing in my head a bit longer but alot of times I guess I just need reminders every once and a while.

I have a call recording app for safety and security purposes and I had just recently taken his number off the recording list. After last night I may need to put it back on lol.

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