Yeah. It’s like falling into a hole that’s at the same time comforting, and protecting, but also isolating and suffocating. It’s a familiar loneliness, so there is a comfort to knowing what you’re experiencing, but it’s also separating you from others, from relationship, from love, from anything but the silence. In some ways, it feels good to be there, but then you can feel trapped, because you may want to get out but feel like it’s too much energy to get out, or too high to climb, or you need someone to help, but you’ve been alone with those thoughts for so long you don’t know how to reach out. It is at the same time a refuge and a trap.
That’s the thing about sadness, it likes to keep us there with it. Sadness wants us to look down, not up. And it’s the tricky thing about feelings. They can reflect reality or they can lie to us. It can be a challenge to figure out how to evaluate our feelings when they want to dictate our reality to us. When I feel like I’m in that hole that is sadness, I have to make myself look upward and try to find just one good thing to grab onto to start digging myself out. But that one small thing, no matter how trivial can give you that one step forward to finding your way out. I wish you well my friend.
You described it so very well. This rabbit hole that sadness can lead us to sometimes. If I feel sad, if I let myself dive into those feelings, I get easily submerged by all the sorrow it is possible to feel - for others, for myself, for this world. If we slow down and have a good look at things, we can see so many reasons to drown in a grief that feels endless. It’s such a scary door to open and a fine balance to find. Giving space to raw emotions yet not letting it become everything. So many times I’ve chosen to push sadness away because I was scared of not seeing the end of it. This thought that you described, wondering if it would ever end, is a heartbreaking experience. It reminds us how profoundly human and fragile we are.
This vulnerability of yours is a gift, even if it can be scary or defeating at times. It is a manifestation of how much life you hold within, and even more of your ability to be aware of it, to have a look at it. May you never lose yourself in sadness, friend, for there are also many sources of joy all around to feel when it is appropriate.