This is a topic from INSTAGRAM. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on Instagram.
Belongs to: https://forum.heartsupport.com/t/36594
Yeah, sometimes. Especially when they’re the same issues that keep popping up that I feel like I should be past by now.
I feel that too. I read somewhere that people who help their friends feel good about themselves for being able to help. As long as there is communication and boundaries, they don’t look at the person they are helping as a burden. That’s hard to accept, but I know I feel good about helping a friend who needs support and them being a burden never crosses my mind. Guess it’s true 
I feel like Mystrose put it best here. I honestly learnt something new today with that response, and maybe found out more about myself that way.
I’m sorry that you still feel like you’re upset by things that you “feel you should be way over by now”. I think the lot of us struggle with similar issues as well… I know I sure do. But, if something still bothers you—I believe that’s a valid reaction. Your hurt is still fresh, and sometimes, we need more time to heal things than we can ever realize.
I hope your journey of healing is gentle and swift. Take care, friend.
It’s really hard to feel like you can’t really reach out, ask for help and share about how you feel because of a fear of being a burden. We want the best for the people we trust, and sometimes while dealing with our own struggles it feels like we’re just carrying this heavy bag that no one deserves to lift with us. It feels as if we’re tainted, domme to be stuck and alone with our struggles, as sharing would be anything but a gift…
On top of it, when these struggles are faced over and over, it feels like we’re going to disappoint others and just make them go away. Are they going to be tired of me if they see that I keep struggling the same way? Wouldn’t they expect me to be over it after some time? Would they stop believing in me if my healing doesn’t seem to be fruitful?
Something that is fundamental in what you have said, is this world “should”. I SHOULD be over it now. I SHOULD feel differently. I SHOULD be better, do better. It is a the expression of your expectations, but these can be unfair if they don’t take in account the context you’re in. Healing isn’t linear. Actually it’s pretty messy, even though it would be great to have a roadmap to follow. When you are impacted by struggles that are familiar to you, it doesn’t mean that you have not grown or that you would be moving backwards. It means that maybe your life context has changed – new events, new challenges have arised and were unexpected. That maybe you you’ve grown in ways you did not expect and have a hard time to see for now. Or even that now is a time to adapt your strategy, and explore new ways to help yourself.
When a “should” sentence is present, you can challenge yourself by reframing it and anchoring to fundamental truths. That you are loved, and that none of these expectations should ever prevent you from reaching out and receiving that love. If there are people in your life that you trust, there is a high chance that they are more than willing to stand beside you during difficult times. To be present for people we love, both through the good and bad times, is one of the greatest gifts, and a deep mark of trust. You are deserving of love, of help, of active care, especially during times when you may be hard on yourself. <3