I’ve had trouble getting one of my friends to have a conversation about certain topics related to friendship, and that tends to make me think they don’t actually want to be friends, even though I know that’s not necessarily true. It just gets stuck in my head and spirals around. I know the simplest solution is to just talk to them about it, but their avoidance of these conversations in the past makes me more hesitant to try again, and so I tend to avoid bringing things up again because I fear they will just avoid it again. And then that leads me to question other friendships. It’s a cycle I wish was easier to break.
Hello! I can see how this is defeating in that you would like closure and to understand your friendship better. What you are doing is great in terms of trying to create something that works for you and that your voice is heard! I hope you do approach them one more time and I think the contributors below have some great ideas:
Contributor 2: Completely valid feelings. but if it’s not something that this person needs closure for, maybe trying to keep it just a bit more of a lighthearted friendship. I’m sure they want to be friends but maybe they can’t have such a deep relationship.
Please be understanding that it may not be easy for the other person to contribute in the way you would like. But I hope you both have some type of action or verbal agreement on how to best meet both of your needs. And you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself if it doesn’t go the way you truly hope!
Contributor 3: Another suggestion is instead of asking directly about the friendship stuff, try asking what they are willing to talk about, and then maybe build up to it. Or see why they don’t want to talk about it.
You are a great friend for wanting to be an even greater friend. Thank you for opening up about your current struggles. We appreciate you!