It doesn’t matter what I do, what I say or how I look. I’m always the one getting hurt in the end. I’m like that friend in horror movies who always dies. The unimportant character in a book. I’m trying so hard. I always try hard. But life doesn’t bring me flowers.
The past few weeks I’ve been saying everything’s okay. “I’m fine” or “Just tired” were my most used phrases. Problem is, I’m not okay.
Someone very close to me has turned her back on me to be friends with the people who bully me. I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m ugly, or stupid. Maybe I did something wrong. I don’t know what I did wrong but all of a sudden, she’s with them 24/7 and hurting me too. Of course, I still have some friends in my hometown. But because I go to school in the big city and my friends go to school nearby, I’m all alone at school. I do have a few nice classmates, but I only see them two days a week.
Now I thought it was unfair for her to ditch me and be friends with those bullies. So, I went up to her (and the bullies (stupid I know)) and asked why she did that to me. She TOTALLY ignored me. As if I don’t exist.
I thought “You know, fine. I don’t even wanna know”. But next thing I know was that I got pushed to the ground and kicked by 7 mean girls at the train station.
Now I know what you’re going to say. But going to a teacher or someone at school doesn’t change anything. I’ve tried everything but it only made things worse. All I can do is just forget it and focus on my homework.
And that’s the worst part, I can’t forget. It hurts so bad. Not only physically but mentally too. I’m not the type to get scared easily because I’ve been through hell and back. But I do feel scared because I don’t know how long this is going to last.
And even after hurting me, I believe it’s my own fault. All that goes through my head is: “I should’ve been nicer to her.” “If I was a better person this wouldn’t have happened.”
I wasn’t planning on telling anyone. But now you know.
Thanks for reading.
Hope it makes sense.
<3
Noodles,
I know what that feels like. In middle school one of my friends did the exact same thing. She turned on me, became a bully herself, and told me to go die because that’s all I was good for. I felt like I was only good for that. But I didn’t attempt. High school came around. I got told these things again. Administration did nothing. Nobody did anything. It doesn’t bother me anymore, but at one point it did and that’s when I self harmed. I try to not let those kinds of people get to me anymore. So I know what you’re going through. I thought the same things. I thought that I wasn’t good enough for her to be my friend. I wanted to reconnect in high school, but she wants nothing to do with me. And you know what? It’s her loss. I’m good enough. I know that now. And you are too! You are good enough! Beauty comes from within. You’re amazing and beautiful for sharing. We love you!
Hold fast friend, you’re worth it!
~Sarah
I understand what this feels like on a level I really wouldn’t wish on anyone, I’m so sorry. I’ve been best friends with Erika since I was 13, we’re now 22 - we’ve only ever argued once… We were 14. Her cousin was someone who made my life a living hell in school - I was bullied relentlessly, and when we argued, she decided to turn against me and go to her cousin, which of course, made the bullying worse…
I took all of the bullying i received in school to teachers countless times… It only made it worse - I get how you feel. My advice, take it further. Don’t do what I did. I stopped going to school, I refused to go in… We had to go HIGHER than the school. We took it to the welfare board because the school did NOTHING to protect me. If that’s what you need to do, then freaking do it.
You’re not ugly, you’re not unimportant. People change - you’ll find new friends. She may have been bullied herself, and got scared, and this is how she reacted to defend herself. Thank you for telling us - you matter.
