I feel like a bad friend. My best friend came to me and was talking bad about herself. I was telling her “you’re not those things”, but she wouldn’t believe me and kept going on about it. I finally put my foot down and stopped sugar coating things. I told her that if she didn’t take the initiative to get mental help, then there’s nothing I can do. Sure I can be a source of love and encouragement and support, but that doesn’t matter if she doesn’t make an effort to help herself. She needed to hear it, but I don’t think she wanted to hear it. I have my own mental struggles and I can’t always be that support that she needs. Now she doesn’t want me to message her. I just feel like I lost her and that it’s my fault. I told her my intent behind it, but she still won’t talk to me. What do I do? I feel like if I message her she’ll just get even more mad at me. I want to give her space, but I also want to be sure that she’s not mad at me. I don’t know what to do. I’m scared that I lost her as a friend, yes, but she was like a sister to me. If I find out that something happened to her, then I’m not going to be able to forgive myself. I’m just lost at this point.
It can definitely be hard to feel like you’re carrying a lot of pressure as a friend. Remember that your friend is in charge of her own actions, so you can’t hold yourself responsible for anything she does while you aren’t speaking… as long as you are loving. I hope that you can reconcile with time, don’t give up trying to reconnect.
Hey @FaeTheProud I am sure you heard this many times, but it really isn’t your fault. You did what most people don’t and you told her the truth. It’s best to be straight forward and truthful with close friends when it comes to those kind of problems. I’ve been in your friend’s shoes on this and most times the truth hurts… she just needs some time to chew on what you told her and she will come back around andd when she does… welcome her back with open arms and continue to let her know that you care.
First of all YOU ARE NOT A BAD FRIEND.
I have had to recently go through this same exact thing and it certainly is not the first time. When someone is your friend and struggling mentally and emotionally there is only so much you can do to help before they have to take it upon themselves to take healthy measures to feel better. It is not your responsibility to stay stuck in an unhealthy relationship or situation. It makes you a good friend for being honest. As long as you aren’t mean. Being open and explaining that you love them but they have to try to make that effort is completely fair and okay.
Sometimes people can forget to realize that their behavior and attitude can effect those around them as well. So if they are constantly being negative and refusing to accept your help and encouragement then, it becomes hard for us to know how to help. It becomes difficult to know what to do and it always places a needless bag of guilt on us because we are forced to take a step that doesn’t always feel good. And that’s putting your foot down as you did.
Right now it sounds like she may not be ready to hear these things and take the steps she needs to get better and change how she thinks and acts. BUT that doesn’t mean you can’t tell her, “Hey, I love you. I support you. I just want you to feel better. Im here when you are ready to talk again” You know?
Give her the space she needs for a while and then maybe in a week or so, message her and just kinda say Hey I love you. Hope you are doing okay. I am thinking about you. You can keep doing this over time till she’s ready to be social with you again.
Please don’t put the guilt on yourself if something happened. It’s okay to worry about your friend. To love and care. But its not your responsibility to take that kind of guilt. It’s not something that needs to be forgiven because you didnt do anything wrong. You are a person with feelings to. We gotta also look out for ourselves and our own health when being there for others.
You are a good friend. It shows. You care. And what more could someone ask for? I would want you to be honest with me. So good for you for being open. I am sorry that she didn’t receive it well.
I am here, friend. I hope it gets better for you guys. I am thinking about you.
-Kitty
You did a good thing by communicating your boundaries. Don’t feel guilty for setting those and sticking to them. You can love someone AND maintain boundaries at the same time.
@FaeTheProud Hey friend, here is a highlight of the time we spent talking about your topic on stream today. Email me or DM me on Discord!
