honestly I just hope that life would end, so much pain, so much suffering, I’m tired of being alone I mean I’m a Christian I’m suppose to trust God but I never have… I believed in a creator I’ve read the Bible. I’m not good enough, I’ve gotten involved so deep into depression I turned to drugs because it was an instantaneous feel good moment but even after that, I felt like I just didn’t want to live even more… never thought I would do drugs just to be happy. I mean I just want to be something to somebody. I left a job to work at this other job and I failed my urine test now I’m jobless for almost 2 weeks. I’ve blamed God for much childhood and the hell I’ve been put through, being abused is too much of a political word, I’ve been mentally and physically hurt by my parents up to the point I was 18 but the pain I don’t know how to deal with it it’s like I have shoved it in a box and say here box deal with it yourself. So I don’t have to deal with it. There’s more to my story it’s writing I mean I believe there might be good in the future. But I feel hopeless about even thinking about that
I’m sorry that you have to go through all of this. Please know that no matter what you do God will always love you and will always be there for you through the good and the bad. I know it’s easy to feel like he’s stopped loving you and it’s easy to blame him for the shit that happens but he’s still with you, loving you. The fact of the matter is that we live in a flawed and painful world because God’s love is uncontrolling. If it wasn’t, God would basically be a dictator and he is certainly not that. Since his love is uncontrolling it is often hard to feel his love in the difficult times but it is still there. God hurts when you hurt and he wants your life to get better but it takes time. Please be patient and hold on to hope because things will get better. Feel free to message me at anytime if you need to talk.
I don’t understand my faith, I thought I did. Even after coming from an abusive situation I lived with a pastor for 3 full years I have friends but they live far away, I don’t even have a car yet. I don’t trust God Life is just too hard, I’ve even went to the hospital for depression and anxiety it’s a waste of time and money just so the doctor can get paid, I will never go to the hospital. Even being an evangelist sharing the Gospel, I thought I knew… I don’t. I don’t understand God, I can’t trust God cause even godly people push me away.
I went through a period of time where I questioned everything about my faith, I guess you could say I’m still in it. I user to be this super conservative christian who believed that I had to behave a certain way in order for God to love me. Now, I don’t even consider myself a christian at all but I feel closer to God than ever before. It sounds to me that you’re in a moment of questioning your faith. Don’t fight it. You will come out on the other side better than before. I’m not saying you’re gonna believe what I believe because that’s not true. We are 2 different people with 2 different sets of beliefs, but there can be a lot of good from questioning and just figuring life out. I know that you don’t trust God right now but he’s still there for you. He’s listening and he’s loving you no matter what.
As of right now I guess I’ve determined my faith on circumstances, if I don’t find a job within this week I’m gonna be homeless in Pennsylvania, I don’t have a car, I failed my urine test, I’ve been hanging with the wrong group of people and then I have my Christian friends that live 25 minute to an hour away, even some kind of job to pay bills I have food! I don’t need electric just a roof over my head. This is part of the reason I don’t trust God that’s why I’ve turned to drugs because it’s instantaneous. It’s an instant response no you gotta wait forever pretty much. I don’t understand this faith at all if he loves us and cares for us why does he put us in this torment? Yes I know everything in the Bible is true, it’s least I’d like to. I can’t trust God because I hate God, he created the heavens and for all of us to have a second chance, why the hell is ge still putting us through pain! God of love? What is he the God of really? Other than Creation? I’m tired of feeling numb and depressed I just need a job to pay bills but I’m gonna wound up being homeless.
God is not solely in control of what happens here on earth. He is not responsible for your pain. He loves you and he wants to help you but there are a lot of different variables that can override what he can do. An example of this would be that maybe God is trying to send someone to help you but they are not willing to cooperate with him. If that is the case he can’t force that person to cooperate because he is not controlling, he gives his creation freedom. He will always be there for you and he’ll walk through your struggles with you. Think of it like this, when parents decide that they want to have kids, they (the parents) know that they (the kids) will endure pain. Despite the parents knowing this they have kids anyway because they love their kids to death. They don’t have control over the pain that their children endure but they love them and help them as much as they possibly can. This is similar to God. God created you and loves you but he doesn’t have the power to change everything because he’s not a dictator. He loves you and will help you as much as he can but there are variables that hinder what he can do. As for the situation that you’re in, I’m sorry that you have to go through this. You are not alone. I’m here for you and everyone here at HeartSupport is here for you too. Keep your head up. Everything’s gonna be alright.