Hey guys. So, recently I’ve been seeing this girl I like but I just realized that this whole experience makes me more anxious rather than excited/happy. And it has probably something to do with my mind and the way it is set. I think I got used to expect/stay focused on rather negative than positive things. Let me give you an example. Instead of be like: wow, this girl is so cool and so mature, she’s what I’ve been looking for - I am more like - damn there’s so many things it can screw up/I can screw it up. I was in a relationship already about 4 years ago when I was 18/19. It didn’t work out because of this stupid mindset. I thought I was finally ready to challenge it but it still seems pretty hard to deal with. Maybe I’m just scared that it will get better out of me again and I’m gonna screw it (like my first relationship). So, I guess there are some people who went through something similar or they are going through it right now…any response is appreciated. Thank you.
Hi Adam,
I have been in your position before. It’s really difficult to believe that things can get better, but I promise you that they can. I want to offer something and if you totally disagree that’s totally fine, but I just wanted to offer it. Maybe right now isn’t the best time for you to get into a new relationship. If you are already doubting yourself and thinking about how you will mess it up it could cause a self fulfilling prophecy. Have you ever heard of that? It’s when we think about something so much we begin to believe it’s true and it becomes reality. but it doesn’t become true because that’s just the way it is, it’s because we think ourselves into this hole that we kinda become blinded to other options. I think it might be really good for your to take some time to improve yourself. Maybe come on here and talk to people, talk to family/friends, or maybe even talk to a counselor or therapist if you feel that is appropriate. If this girl is right for you she will understand and you could still be friends with her. But I just wonder if right now it’s a good idea to get into a serious relationship. You deserve to have happy, healthy and strong relationships and maybe you just need time to work on yourself so that you can have those fulfilling relationships. We are here for you friend. Whatever you decide is best for yourself we will support you. But just know that your anxieties are lying to you. You are worth love and yes this relationship can and will be different. Sending you all my love. Stay strong.
Love,
Cassie
Hi Adam, thanks for sharing.
I’ve been in that situation before, and I know how bad it is. Concentrating on how much you could ruin everything, makes you actually ruin everything. This is the dumbest advice, but there’s nothing else to do than just getting rid of the stupid mindset. How? I talked to my gf about the issue and that really helped a lot. Also concentrating on how good you can do, helps you do even better.
Love you
pioggia ✘