Having Hatred In My Heart

The last almost 4 years have been very difficult for me. I went from having a life with my fiancee to almost being sent to prison on false accusations and my life being turned upside down. This woman whom I’ll call Cassandra came into my life and went like a leaf flies into the wind and disappears. I met her through another mutual friend at the time. We became acquainted and become close friends we use to go out together, do things together and have a good time as friends. But when I announced I was getting engaged she snapped and became this really evil and wicked person all of a sudden, she was putting me down demonizing me and she even had the nerve to contact my ex fiancee’s family to the point that it caused my fiancee to leave me forever.

But it didn’t stop there she refused to stop harassing me and she even posted my phone number and address on social media, I was getting death threats and random people showing up at my home. I had to go into hiding with a friend for two weeks, She messaged all of my friends on social media to defame me and slander me and she refused to stop. I tried all options, I made a police report the police refused to press charges, I filed a restraining order the sheriff failed to give to her, I tried to take her to court and sue her but the lawyer wouldn’t see or take my case unless I paid him 10k cash.

She made up a lot of lies and rumors about me to the point that she ended taking me to court three times twice to civil court and once to criminal court. Criminal court was very scary for me because where I was taken to was the most corrupt and the most dangerous in the valley, a lot of people there were on trial for murder, attempted murder, assault, many people there were in gangs and many of them extremely violent people. Because I didn’t have money to post bail or having a private lawyer I was forced to take a plea deal that saved my life but it screwed me for three years. I had a misdemeanor, a restraining order and humiliated publicly and shamed. Luckily I live in a state that lets you clean up your record like if nothing happened but the fact that this evil and sick woman did me when I was the victim and she hurt me and she got away with it makes me angry and resentful towards this woman. I have absolutely zero forgiveness for this woman and I hate her I simply cannot forgive her for what she did to me and its making me angry and bitter inside I have tried to move on and gone to therapy and even all the changes I have done I just cannot forgive or forget what she did. I wasn’t interested in her and I refused to sleep with her, when I fight back I get punished. I am angry at the system and the court for not giving me due process and violating my civil rights and for not protecting me from this sick woman. I hated women before Cassandra came into my life but now I hate women even more now and I also don’t like Asians anymore, she is from Thailand but she is Eurasian admixture, her mother is Thai and her father is Italian American but she looks Mediterranean or Southern European. And she was a Christian Fundamentalist, I am Jewish and she also persecuted me because my faith and ethnicity.

1 Like

You cannot give into that. Hating everyone based off of the actions you have seen from one, or even a small sample of people who treated you badly; it’s mental cowardice. Be strong. People and women can be amazing. It took me a lot of time to come to that so I understand where you are coming from. I’ve also been accused of hurting someone I loved. She told her entire family I had physically abused her, they spent an awful long time hating me until the day she finally broke down and told them the truth. What helped me is continuing to do good things for others. My mother became sick during that time and I threw myself headlong into ensuring I did everything I could to stop any suffering she came across. The point is, you have to be what you are looking for here. You have to decide that you are going to deal with these emotions and find a way to put positivity into it. One thing that is for sure you will only further isolate yourself and make things worse if you hate an entire swath of people based off of the actions of one, or maybe two of them. Be strong and look for good humans, or good women, good people exist and I know it can be hard to find them. But when we do it melts everything else and makes it worth it, trust me.

2 Likes

@ranma1983

I’m sorry you went through that. Since you mentioned you are Jewish, do you pray to God? He is the only one who can help you to let the hatred go, and forgive her. I’m a Christian, and I know God is powerful. I had been there on hating others, holding grudges, becoming an awful person. I ended up hating myself. After the years gone by, asked God to change me, I became a better person. I don’t have hatred, but God is testing me if I truly forgiven the ones who hurt me, and if I still have love in my heart. Don’t be bitter. You are the only one who is hurting yourself. Let it go, my brother. I hope you will overcome. Thank you for sharing. God bless. Stay strong.

Hello AVJR, yes that is correct I am Jewish and I use to be Orthodox but after what I went through I lost my faith and I stopped going to Synagogue altogether. It was only recently like a few months ago I decided to return to Synagogue but I am going to a Conservative Synagogue now they are one step below Orthodox they are more of a middle path. Therapy and being away from toxic people and starting over has helped. Maybe one day I can fully heal. I appreciate your condolences .

1 Like