(disclaimer, i love my parents, but these things happen sometimes)
Ive had a very stressful week. Everything is seeming to go wrong for me right now. I cant find a job, my graphics card got fried, my expensive monitor got shattered, who knows what else is next. Theres just so much weight on my shoulders. I decide to start cleaning my computer area to make me feel less stressed about the clutter, and as soon as i get to the sink, my dad starts yelling at me because i forgot to rinse out one of my dishes last night. He goes into how he is the only one who does anything around the house, and how i do nothing. And hes right. I sit in the basement, play games, and repeat. Im good for nothing. No job, not going to school, nothing. The way he talks to me makes me feel like theres literally no point to living, and my existence is just a hassle to him and my mom. So after the screaming match, i go downstairs, and i almost relapse. Almost. I dont know what came through my head that kept me from doing it, but im thankful it happened. Ive been clean for almost 2 years now (July 3rd) and i dont want to get into the habit of doing it every night again.
Sorry I took so long to get back to you. Thank you for reaching out. It takes a lot of courage and is inspiring. I’m so sorry things are so hard right now and not having the support you need. Just wanted to let you know that it’s really good you were able to stop the relapse. Shows so much courage and not only that but part of you maybe even believes things can get better. It shows you want help and want to do things differently. I hope you can find people who can walk with you and be the support you need. Hope you can find a job you enjoy. I know how job searching sucks. Something that has been helping me is looking for a little every day to every few days depending on how your anxiety is. It’s finding jobs that are even maybes and writing that down. If my anxietys not too bad maybe even asking if they are hiring or just filling out an application. It’s taking it slow for me. Hope you find something and hope you keep reaching out on here.
There’s a few things I’ve noticed in here so far.
Your dad and you are both hard on yourself. It’s important to note the little successes in life, especially with the kind of situation you’re in right now.
Your name makes me giggle every time I see it, thats good for a laugh.
The flag you’re wearing in your profile picture is a sign of strength, you’re living each day in your own skin.
I could go on and on about this.
It also seems like your dad has something going on that is impacting him greatly and he is unintentionally taking it out on you. If he was being that confrontational with no previous fights then it seems like he was overreacting. That’s not justifying what your dad said but it would likely explain it. We’re here for you, my friend.
Keep up the good work and congrats on two years!