It’s really hard trying to people please. And what’s funny is I’ve grown up always trying to yet always learning the lesson that I don’t need to in order to be satisfied in life. But for some reason, I still keep trying to. And when I don’t, there’s this void. This feeling that somehow, I’m not what everyone believes me to be. I’m not the friend I should be to people. I’m not the boyfriend I’m supposed to be. I’m not the son or the brother I should be. I’m nothing. And no matter how much I can make people smile on any given day, one mishap can take it all away, and I just cant understand it. I can’t get rid of this feeling that if I don’t keep those smiles on people’s faces, if I don’t make sure that everyone else is doing okay 100% of the time, then I’m not doing it right. And I know that from the start, I’m not okay. And that especially when things go wrong, I’ll be even worse. I’ll want to shut out. I’ll want to be alone. I’ll want to just pull my steering wheel cuz that’s so much faster. My thoughts progress so quickly but I have to pull them back because I know I’m loved, but I cant help but feel useless when I can’t please people. I can’t just hide in a hole because I have to live and do things, but so many times I just want to give up and not get out of bed for the day because I know somewhere along the way I’ll fail someone. I’ll let someone down. And it paralyzes me because sometimes I’d rather just not get up and do my day than live through my day and let someone down as I live it.
It just hurts…I need somewhere to let this out. Thank you. I love you.
I understand all too well. I battle with this myself. It’s a constant struggle.
I want you to know that I love and appreciate you. You have been such a positive force in this community. And no matter what we are here for you. You are enough. And you don’t have to be perfect all of the time. That’s something I’m trying to learn.
I’ve always been a people pleaser. My life has always been about doing what other people want or need. Or editing myself to be how I feel people want me to be. It’s been hard breaking out if that habit. Especially without feeling guilty.
You are wonderful friend. Don’t you forget that okay?
Sometimes we are so worried about others we forget to take care of ourselves. You can’t please everyone you know all of the time. Sometimes not even yourself. But if you are feeling this way perhaps it’s time to reflect on priorities and refocus yourself when needed. Make sure you are good so you can best help others.
Its very hard to find that balance. I think boundaries are healthy as they serve to keep emotions and thoughts in place. I have a family member who is a people pleaser with no boundaries, and she is a slave to every person’s comments and expectations. But you can never truly please everyone right? What pleases one person upsets another. That’s why i think that boundaries are good because they give you, your own personal space to exist in the middle somewhere. Its not easy to change, but the burden of pleasing others is so heavy and draining. i hope you can find your balance and be able to help bless people, but not at your own expense.
Even the fact that you often try to please people demonstrates that you are a kind, sensitive soul, yearning for acceptance and love. That makes you a good person, not a bad person or non-person!!
stop saying “im not”, By the way you are something. you are human . you have breath in your lungs. Sometimes you just need to focus on you and not worry about anyone else. I bet your an awesome friend whos struggling, i bet your the best boyfriend you can be even even though your struggling, your trying and by the way you are the son/brother you should/try to be. Your struggling, well you are not alone. we make mistakes and that’s okay.
Also, who’s job is it to make others smile, is it you or them? I’m not trying to sound like a jerk but, its not your job to make sure everyone is okay , i know you care but when you say “i’m not doing it right,” that means your unable to help when you don’t know what exactly to do . Please work on your self , i care about you @eranwest9 i want to see progress.
Coming from someone who’s been there for everyone i know the feeling , i know the feeling of i am not doing it right, there’s days where I’ve felt like is this the right choice. For so long , i’ve put my issues aside to be there for others, I’ve been there. You may be hurting but, it gets better . i promise you! Hold fast and you’re worth it!