I Don't Want to Be Alive

My life consists of pain, regret, working a lot, and crying even more. I’m not happy. I don’t know if I can continue on, and I don’t see a reason to. I’ve been abandoned by the ones I love, and I just want things to stop. I need the world to slow down, and just stand still for even just a week. So I can maybe heal, grieve, be okay. Do anything. Cause the way it’s going I won’t live to see Christmas.

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It’s ok to cry. You are not alone.

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Anonymouse, first of all, please let me give you a virtual (((Hug))). You need to know that you are absolutely not alone, in your sadness and depression. You may feel like you’ve been “abandoned” by the ones you love; but know this: You are loved. You are. Some friends and family members may not be good at expressing those 3 words, verbally.

I use to feel very similar to what you describe. I felt like I was living in a bubble, just literally “floating through life.” I hated my job. The people were great and the company, wonderful. I just did not like the job and I remember I’d drive home, crying! You know what happened? I did not give up, I’m doing great today and that job is no more. After 19 years, I gave a 3 month notice. My point is, things will change. They will improve. You have to try hard as you can, to keep positive thoughts in your head and tell yourself, “This too shall pass.”

What I would suggest (and this is just my opinion) is make a list on a sheet of paper, of what is really bothering you. No matter how petty or how huge it is, write it down. After you write the list, look at it, and ask yourself on each individual question: Is this something I can change? Is this something that will eventually change? I can promise you this: 9 times out of 10, the answer to the question is yes!

I’m so glad you wrote. There are a lot of really nice, compassionate, understanding people here! I’m sure you’ll get a lot of wonderful, helpful responses.

Thinking of you and remember: This too, shall pass. It did for me! ((((((((Hugs))))))))

Beth

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@anonymouse Thank you for taking the time to open up and share with us. You are not alone and we are here for you 100%. I know it’s hard. I don’t know your exact story but I promise you are not alone, even if friends and family don’t know how to help and be there for you. It breaks my heart to hear you are in such pain and darkness. I do understand those feelings as I have struggled for years not wanting to live in pain anymore. I still struggle with it a lot of days.

I don’t have any perfect advice or wisdom but all I can say is think of some things in your life that you are grateful for and things that bring you joy. It can be a cup of coffee, or a sunny day, or when someone says hello. It really doesn’t matter what it may be. Just find some things to latch onto that bring a smile to your face. It won’t make the pain go away necessarily but having positive things to focus on can help take you out of the darkness, even for a moment.

Please know you are loved and cared for, not only by the people here, but by God. You may not feel His presence all the time but He does love you, no matter what! I believe that with all my heart.

I hope each day gets a bit better for you. I, too, have struggled with just going through life, living in pain and suffering, barely getting by. Hopefully these dark seasons pass. I believe in you my friend! Although I don’t know you personally, I want you to be around on this earth and I guarantee others in your life do too!

Stay strong my friend! You can do it!

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