I’ll try to keep this short. A little over two months ago I met this girl online. We really hit it off and we started a relationship. There’s one big problem with that… I live in the United States and she lives in the Philippines. If I would’ve been thinking straight I wouldn’t have agreed to being in a relationship and would have just been friends. I didn’t realize that I had made a mistake until about a month later so I broke up with her. It was really painful because I know that I really hurt her. The next day I woke up and told her that I messed up and we got back together. Fast forward another month to today and I just broke up with her again. I can’t handle a long distance relationship and I feel like such a dick for hurting her not only once but twice. It would have been so much easier if I just didn’t start a relationship with her at all. I already deal with mental health issues and I often feel like I’m not good enough and I also deal with self-hatred because of my flaws. This whole situation is just making me feel a whole lot worse about myself. On top of this I don’t feel like anyone could ever love me again because I’m so fucked up. I just feel like such a loser and such a jerk.
I’m proud of you for reaching out and being strong enough to realise that you’re not happy in the relationship. Long distance relationships are hard - I’ve been there. This doesn’t make you a jerk or unlovable. It makes you strong for knowing you need to put you first. Sorry I can’t be of more support - going through my own things at the moment I just wanted to tell you that you are loved. You will be loved no matter what in this community and you’re not alone. Keep doing what you’re doing - you’re here on the wall and that proves you’re doing something right whether you believe it or not.
Hold fast
Kayla
Hey there,
First off: you’re not a loser or a jerk.
Second: Long distance is hard, VERY hard. I did long distance for three years with a girl that lived eight hours away and even though I got to see her every few months, it was still such a pain. I can’t imagine dating someone that far away. Long distance, especially that far, can be good because you get space, but it can also be very toxic because you don’t know what the other person is doing, you can’t be there for them when they’re hurting, and you can’t just be there romantically all the time.
It’s okay that you broke things off, and I guarantee that you can find someone in your own city, or even your own state. Maybe not tonight or tomorrow, but you will, and it’ll be worth it. You took steps to putting yourself first and that’s completely okay.
Hey @jmatt0659,
Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry you’re hurting right now.
Relationships are hard. Even the good ones. They take work, time, patience, and dedication. These things are severely restricted when you live far away from somebody - especially timezones apart. I’ve done long-distance before, and it was the most difficult relationship I’ve ever had.
I know that things didn’t work out, but I’m proud of you for putting yourself out there. I’m even more proud of you for recognizing that this wasn’t going to work for you, and that you needed to put yourself first. Try not to beat yourself up over trying. You can’t change that things happened. All you can do is learn what you can from the experience.
You ARE good enough. And what you look at as flaws, another may look at as a quirk, which is part of you to be loved. And like @Asfixzeeuh said, there’s somebody out there for you, we just can’t predict who they are or when they will show up in our lives.
Stay strong, friend. Try to forgive yourself. Sending love.
<3 AnitaBandaid
Hey @jmatt0659,
I’m sorry to hear about your current relationship struggles. I can empathize with you, because I’ve tried long distance twice (currently taking a third attempt), and it’s really hard. One thing I’ve found to be the most important thing while attempting a long distance relationship is to be extremely strong in communication. Let her know what you’re thinking and feeling and why. Also, both parties need to give it 110% or the relationship will start to crumble; if either party isn’t giving it 110% then a red flag is raised and something needs to be addressed. Because long distance is incredibly difficult, please don’t beat yourself up for not being able to do it. It’s sort of like beating yourself up for not being able to make it to the Olympics (making it is hard so don’t beat yourself up for falling short this round).
Although not always applicable, in your case, time will do a lot of healing. Usually pain is the sharpest upon the freshness of the falling out of a relationship (especially if it has happened twice with the same girl). I actually believe that you feeling regret is a blessing in disguise (as opposed to feeling numb or “I don’t care” about the situation), because you can vow to yourself never to do it again with another girl. You’re valuable and you deserve the best. We’re all human and we all make mistakes. Be kind to yourself.
-Eric